


way back into love

by ka_na_ri_ya



Category: SBFIVE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music and Lyrics (2007) Fusion, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ka_na_ri_ya/pseuds/ka_na_ri_ya
Summary: "So wait," Kimmon leans back onto the black office chair, forming his hands into a steeple. It's quite comfortable and he could fall asleep in it to be quite honest if he isn't in the middle of this meeting that Tee, his manager, dragged him to so early in the morning. The project the television studio had just finished presenting to him with an obnoxious television presentation is leaving him feeling baffled, "You're asking me to compete with other has-beens and battling it out with each other by boxing? And the winner will get to sing just...one song on stage?" He asks this with a dry amusing tone, sending a smile. The television producers before him look uncomfortable and uneasily shift in their chairs."Well, I never said you were a has-been sir," Sean, who did the presentation, chokes out.
Relationships: Copter Panuwat Kerdthongtavee/Kimmon Varodom Khemmonta
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from one of the songs in the movie, of course.
> 
> disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. No offense is intended and does not reflect the real life people who are mentioned here. The only thing I own from this work are my words, while the general plot and scenarios belong to Marc Lawrence and respective production companies.

"So wait," Kimmon leans back onto the black office chair, forming his hands into a steeple. It's quite comfortable and he could fall asleep in it to be quite honest if he isn't in the middle of this meeting that Tee, his manager, dragged him to so early in the morning. The project the television studio had just finished playing to him with an obnoxious television presentation is leaving him feeling baffled, "You're asking me to compete with other has-beens and battling it out with each other by boxing? And the winner will get to sing just...one song on stage?" He asks this with a dry amusing tone, sending a smile. The television producers before him look uncomfortable and uneasily shift in their chairs.

"Well, I never said you were a has-been sir," Sean, who did the presentation, chokes out.

"O don't worry," Kimmon waves his hand, "I'm not offended by it. I know I'm a has-been. I'm proud of it. 'S what helps pay my apartment," he angles forward on the black marble table, tapping his ring studded fingers along it, looking at Sean with scrutinizing eyes, "But back to this idea you're telling me. I won't sing at all during the course of the show? I was under the impression that I was going to sing a bit more."

"Um yes...but well--" Sean coughs into a fist. His nervousness is amusing and Kimmon wants to call it out and poke fun at it, "It's called Battle of the Singers for a reason."

There's am exasperated scoff to Kimmon's left.

"Ok, you know what?" Tee interrupts, "This is ridiculous. I was expecting something else to help my client's career when you mentioned this TV project to me Sean, but this is just insulting," he pushes his chair back, the wheels scuffling against the carpet, and abruptly stands up, "We're leaving," and with a nod to Kimmon, he jerks his head towards the door, "Let's god."

Kimmon tilts his head with an eyebrow raised and flicks an amused gaze towards Sean, who looks like he's about to shit his pants, "Well, my king says I've got to go," he loftily says and twirls his chair around, standing with a flourish and walks towards where Tee is still standing by the open door.

"Don't waste mine or my client's time like this again Sean," Tee says with such a viciousness that Kimmon’s glad he’s not on the receiving end of it, "Actually, on second thought, stop calling me too," he turns the knob, sending his goodbyes to the other producers, and leaves the room in haste. Kimmon snorts at how dramatic Tee is being and greets the people in the room a goodbye, before exiting into the hallway. Sean looks pale and his sweat is apparent under the lights of the room.

Kimmon ambles his way over towards Tee, with his hands in his pockets. Tee looks agitated as he leans against the wall, "God Kimmon, I swear I didn't think it'd be like that."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not fine at all," they both make their way towards the elevator, "They can't fucking insult you while trying to be passive aggressive about it. It's fucking stupid and they treated you like you were an idiot with that ridiculous promotional video!" Tee presses the down button with an aggressive push and the elevators swishes open. Fortunately, it's empty and they step in as Tee continues with his rant, "Just because you weren't as big as you used to be! You still have a career for fuck's sake. I swear the way Sean told it to me, it'd be a good comeback for your music career because you'd be singing every week. I didn't realize it'd just be at the fucking end," he spits out and lets out a frustrated sigh, "Sean is such a fucking idiot. I can't believe I slept with him."

"Hmm, so that's what your last comment meant."

"O yea, it was a stupid fucking mistake and we were both drunk as hell," Kimmon chooses not to comment, staring at the decreasing numbers on the electronic pad before him. He's learned over time that a piqued Tee is best left alone and that he'll say whatever is on his mind when he can't take it anymore.

The elevator reaches the ground floor, opening with a smooth swish and the two step out, the clack of their dress shoes echoing against the marbled tiles.

"It was at some after party from some publicity event that you didn't want to go to," Tee eventually spills out, "The one that you told me to go to remember? God, I was wasted because who the fuck would sleep with _Sean_? And now he's been calling me for the past month."

They step out of the building and Tee tries to flag down a taxi, "Wait. Was this a ploy to see you again then?" Kimmon asks, laughing.

"O my god _._ O my god?" Tee continues to wave his hand, "That fucking loser. I'm gonna go kick his ass for wasting both our times for this shitty idea and calling you a has been. Then, I need to block his number."

"Tee, to be fair he didn't. I'm telling you. It's fine, I'm used to it."

Tee turns towards Kimmon with a serious look on his face, having managed to wave down a taxi, "Kimmon. No. Stop it," the taxi pulls up along the curb they're standing on, its lights cheerily blinking. Kimmon stares the blank expression that's on his face in the reflection of the window, "Don't let people treat you like you're less than in this industry," he opens the door in the back and gestures at Kimmon to climb in.

"Tee, I know," Kimmon says in amusement and climbs into the car, Tee following in behind, "I've been in this industry for a while before you even joined it."

"Exactly, but you always make it sound like your career is over when it's not. I won't let that happen, you can still make a comeback," Tee places a hand on top of Kimmon's, "And stop saying that you're a has been. You're only 30, not freaking 100."

Kimmon noncommittally hums.

"I'm serious. I know you've still been making music even if you try to downplay it."

"Yea well, I'm just tinkering around with my guitar. It's nothing," Kimmon leans his head against the window, the vibrations of the car humming against his head as it moves forward into the busy street. Tiredness hits him out of the blue and all he wants is to crawl back into his bed even though it isn't even close to noon. The dread and frustration of becoming a dead end that sometimes comes out in his lowest of days is slowly dredging up again.

Starting in a boy band that became one of the biggest in Thailand and threw him into the spotlight as a teenager was something he never imagined for himself as a kid. He handled the sudden fame well and took to it like a swimmer to water, cementing himself as the leader of the group. But the shock of losing it was something else. Kimmon knew it wouldn't last forever -- the glittering success and being adored by a multitude of screaming fans.

But what he didn't expect was to lose his band mates as well; people he had considered to be his brothers, who grew up with him before they disbanded and found their own individual success in life.

He's used to the quietness that surrounds him now. But once in a while the haunting of his failures would creep in and get to him.

Tee sighs in frustration. They've had this conversation before. He would scold Kimmon for minimizing and in turn Kimmon would ignore him, "Let's get you home then."

"Thank you," Kimmon squeezes his hand.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been an uneventful week since Kimmon last saw Tee, both communicating back and forth with each other through texts ("Please shower and eat properly." "I am!" "Sure, I better not see a take out container in the garbage or I will murder you. And when I mean shower, that means your body. Every day." "Look at the size of this cantaloupe." "Kimmon what the _fuck_?"). He holed up inside his apartment without seeing anyone, aside from his weekly cleaner, who always gave him some pastries when she came by and that was nice.

Kimmon pretty much did nothing.

Well, not necessarily nothing. He'd been writing down a few nonsensical melodies that popped up in his head while he showered. For a future non existent album.

The other eventful thing he did was watching some shitty reality television shows because who knows, maybe he might end up on one with the way his future is panning out. Who knew that Real Housewives of Bangkok would be so riveting, watching women scream at each other over a lost bottle of champagne? Kimmon made a note to himself to ask Tee to get him on that show because he thinks he has a shot at being a real housewife. He can be dramatic when the situation calls for it.

The door to his front door suddenly opens and Tee walks into the apartment, holding a plastic bag, "Kimmon, what's up?"

"What the-" Kimmon looks up from his guitar, sending a glare over at Tee, "I thought I was meeting you tomorrow," He knew there was a reason why he was reluctant to give a copy of his key to his apartment. He only gave it when he didn't get out of bed one day, too sad and tired to charge his phone. Tee thought he died in his sleep, resulting in the police and firemen storming into his apartment.

It wasn't very appreciated. Kimmon had to pay the cost of his broken front door and he was sure his irate landlord was thinking of ways to kick Kimmon out, though he couldn’t prove it. But Tee's face haunts him to this day, so to have a little loss of privacy was worth the annoyance.

"O, what do you have there?" Tee asks as he approaches with a gleeful smile.

Kimmon sighs, putting his guitar next to him on the couch and shoving his notebook of unfinished melodies and lyrics under a pillow, "What do you want?" he leans back into the plush cushions. The sofa was a hefty investment and everyone around him thought he was insane, but he didn't care -- the sofa was amazing and sometimes he slept out here, instead of his own room. The bed felt too big there.

"Ok so. I was too excited to wait until tomorrow and wanted to tell you in person instead," Tee sits down next to him trying to calm his excitement, taking in deep breaths. It's cute and Kimmon wants to cuddle him, "O here's a treat for you," he hands over the plastic bag he had been holding.

"Why do I feel like you're buttering me up?" Kimmon opens it, "Aw, I knew you loved me," he takes out the Kit Kat bar, ripping the wrapping apart and taking a crunchy bite, "O shit, that's good. So..." he glances over at Tee, who has an affectionate smile on his face and grabs a broken piece from Kimmon's hand, "What's this news that you couldn't wait to tell me about?"

"You know Bas?" Tee takes a bite.

"Hmm...I've seen his name trending a lot on the tv," Kimmon muses as he thinks about the pictures he's seen of a baby faced young man. He tries to ignore a lot of what goes on in the music world though, but this singer is a bit unavoidable when Kimmon sees him all over the place anytime he's out, "What about him?"

"You seriously need a refresher course on who's who. He's huge, a megastar at least in Asia."

"O, ok that's cool. Good for him, I guess."

"His manager called me yesterday out of the blue. Bas wants to meet with you. He was a fan of yours."

"Wait, what?" Kimmon sits up, startled, "Why?"

"Come on, you were a cutie back then. If you used your social media to put up pictures of yourself instead of your nonsensical tweets every three months, I'm sure you would still get new fans just with your face."

He waves a hand dismissing the comment, "My fans love my nonsense please."

Tee rolls his eyes. 

"Did he say what the meeting would be about?"

"Mm from what his manager told me, I think he wants to ask you to write a song and sing a duet for his new album tha-"

"Tee what. No no no no no _no_ ," Kimmon stands up, the bag of Kit Kats falling all over the floor and he starts pacing, "Absolutely not. No way," he bites into his bar that's still in his hand, hoping it would relax him, but it doesn't, "I can't Tee, you're going to tell him no. I'm not doing it."

His heart is rapidly beating and he feels sick. Maybe eating that chocolate is making it worse.

"Kimmon stop," Tee stands up and grabs onto Kimmon's shoulders, stopping his frantic pacing. He's looking up at him with determined eyes, "I'm not letting you turn this opportunity away. You were just writing some songs right now weren't you? I know you want to be heard. You think I'm going to let you wallow away in your room and waste this opportunity? Maybe a year ago I would've let you take your time to get back in your rhythm, but I am _not_ going to let you do that this time. Bas is the hottest shit going on right now and this is his first album. It's going to be fucking huge. With your name in a duet, it's going to boost your career with all the PR that will come from it. And with your past, it'll only help even more."

"Tee...I haven't written a proper song in ages. I can't, _I can't_. Everything I put to paper is garbage. I can't write for shit anymore, not since --" Kimmon trails off.

"I know. But I really think this would be good for you. This is the push you need," Tee firmly says, "I know you've been scared of how stagnant your career's been going-- Kimmon, no. Don't deny it. You may not say it, but I know what you're thinking when you have your downtime," Tee gives a little shake of his shoulders and his eyes are shining. Kimmon's heart twinges at that and massages a hand on Tee's shoulder.

"You know I'll still try to push all the mall appearances for you, but there's only so much I can do when..." Tee looks down a little hesitant, "When your audience isn't growing for you. I know you love the few fans that still show up, but having the same fans show up over and over with nobody else listening doesn't help your career. And your band was so big so long ago. Everyone's moved on, there are new singers all the time. I know you don't want to hear me say it, but Kimmon, that's the reality. Do this for your career if you still want it. Bas' manager says he really wants to work with you. Don't you see what a big opportunity this is, if you just let it work out?"

"I..." Kimmon stares at the ground, his head in a whirl as he takes it all in. 

Tee sighs, "Look, I'll give you the rest of the day to think about it, but I hope you say yes. Please?"

Kimmon nods and Tee lets go of his shoulders, rubbing his hands along his arms in a comforting gesture as if saying "I'm still here." He squeezes Kimmon's hands before letting go, "I'll leave you to it then. Call me before tomorrow morning at least when you figure it out. I'll answer no matter what time it is."

The front door shuts and the noise snaps Kimmon out of his stupor. He sits down on the sofa, rewinding back the conversation and figuring out what to do. Kimmon digs out the notebook that he hid under the pillows earlier, flipping through the worn torn pages. They’re nonsensical musings about love and feeling empty inside. He lets out a dry laugh and throws the notebook away from him, letting it messily fall to the floor.

This was shit. 

He groans and lays against the couch, covering his face with a pillow hoping to suffocate all his troubles away.


	3. Chapter 3

Kimmon climbs into the backseat of the car and the first thing that greets him is the pleased expression on Tee's face. Part of Kimmon wants to get the fuck out and run back to his apartment, but the other wants to hug Tee for his unwavering support.

"Um...hey," he says with a sheepish grin.

"Hey man," Tee's smile grows even wider, "Glad to see you cleaned yourself up for this."

"Yea well," he leans his head back on the headrest, heaving out a huge sigh, "Can't go in looking like a slob to one of my fans right?"

Tee takes out his phone, "Anyways, after we meet with Bas you have two appearances today. One at MBK for a charity event and the other for a music club at Siam University. How are you feeling about acting again by the way?"

"Uh I don't know," Kimmon's a bit thrown off by the question, "I haven't done that since forever?"

"I think, and just hear me out, if this song works out well with Bas, having you appear on some upcoming dramas as a guest could help put your name out there. I thought you were pretty good in your last one."

"Wasn't I a total asshole if I recall that right?"

"Yes! But I remember the fans loved it back then, the brooding bad boy. I loved it too, if you were wondering."

"I wasn't."

"So I'll send some emails over to some casting directors. See what they got," Tee says as he types out some reminders into his phone, "A small cameo would do wonders. Or maybe an appearance on a variety show too."

"Wait! I kind of do want to be on a show."

"O?"

"Get me on Real Housewives of Bangkok."

"Are you _freaking_ serious?"

"Why not? It's got really great drama and the women are amazing..." Kimmon sniffs, a tiny bit offended.

"I'm not going to even comment on how dumb your request is," Tee mutters as he keeps typing.

"You just don't know real art when you see it."

"Whatever. Did you ever look up Bas by the way?"

"...no."

"Kimmon! Ugh, why do I put up with you?"

"Because I'm adorable."

Tee shoves his phone into Kimmon's hand and hits the play button of some shaky video of a live performance. It's dark for a moment then scantily clad dancers appear from the sides of the stage and he can hear the crowd hyping up the song as soon as it starts. Suddenly, piercing screams break through the tinny speakers of the phone and Kimmon winces when a young man on screen appears and the screams threaten to deafen him. The camera shakes even harder as the fan freaks outs. As soon as the beat drops, he rips off his robe and starts grinding his hips against the girl in front of him and the shaky view makes him dizzy.

"Is this-- is this allowed? How old is he like 15 or something?"

"No he's like 21."

"O thank god, I thought I was going to go to jail for this," Kimmon throws Tee's phone back to him having seen enough of the hip thrusts, "I guess I can see the appeal. He's cute. I'm not sure how we'll make it work though? We have such different music and I'm old."

"For the love of god, you are not old. I don't know how many times I'm going to have to beat that into your head."

\--

Kimmon could hear the heavy thump of the bass beat from outside the metallic building and he warily glances over at Tee, "What are you getting me into?"

Tee shrugs and pushes Kimmon's shoulder to move him out of the car, "It's going to be fine. He won't bite."

"Ugh, that's what I'm kind of afraid of."

The two of them walk towards the entrance and are let in when Tee shows their credentials to the security standing there. Kimmon feels like he entered into a nightclub, with how dark the set is; strobe lights blinking around and the loud music thumping through the speakers. He can faintly hear the lyrics, something about "being my delight" and other sexual undertones. He sees Bas under the main spotlight, gyrating his hips hard surrounded by a bunch of dancers as he seductively sings into the camera. 

The music is suddenly cut short and a man, who Kimmon assumes is the director, walks towards the main set, "Alright I'm going to do that shot again. Bas, I want you to look into the camera more sexy ok? More sexy! I want you to act like you don't care about the other people around you cause you're hot shit."

Kimmon cringes.

"And to the dancers, you're doing great. Just keep doing what you're doing. If you move more obscenely I won't complain," the man walks back to his seat in front of the monitor, before signalling everyone into action and the music starts up again.

"What do you think so far?" Tee asks and hands him an opened water bottle with a straw in it.

"O thanks,” Kimmon takes a small sip, observing the scene before him, “It's interesting. Times have changed hasn't it? I don't remember music videos being this extravagant like this back then."

Bas goes on to singing about threesomes and forbidden desires, though he doesn't explicitly sing it it's pretty obvious what he's implying while he's sandwiched between the dancers "And uh...these lyrics are something else. I guess it's nice he's exploring that sexual side of him."

Tee shoves Kimmon's shoulder, "Don't be _rude_ ," he laughs, "Ah, I ran into his manager by the way, so he knows you're here. We'll see Bas after this portion of filming is done. He should be on break soon. Apparently they've been at this all morning for 5 hours."

"O gross. I don’t miss _that_."

The two of them end up being taken to Bas' dressing room and wait there. Kimmon keeps poking his nose around, touching everything and Tee has to drag him back to the couch.

But he's just so bored.

"Don't open that!" Tee yelps as Kimmon opens the small refrigerator in the corner of the room, "Huh, is this face cream?" he ponders.

The door clicks open and the two of them rush away from the corner, trying to sit all casual like on the sofa when a man walks in. He's tall and handsome, Kimmon would have thought the man's a model. He gives them a friendly smile and walks up to Kimmon, greeting him, "Hey I'm Earth, it's such an honor to meet you. My mother was a fan back then you know."

"O really? Tell her I say thank you. It's nice to meet you too. This is my manager Tee."

"Hello. If you don't mind, it'd be great if I could take a picture with you after meeting Bas."

"Yea sure..."

"Would you mind going over the logistics first?" Tee interjects.

"So, this is what we want," Earth claps his hands together, sitting down on one of the empty chairs besides them, "Bas will start up his Asian World Tour and we want to have a new song just for that. As a sneak peek for his album that's out later this year."

"What does he want the song to be?"

The door opens again, "And here he is!" Bas walks in, a tranquil expression on his face as he quietly greets Kimmon and Tee with a soft spoken voice. He makes a beeline for Kimmon and reaches out to hold his hands. Kimmon is startled, but goes along with it, letting him intertwine their fingers together. He has soft hands. The calm look on Bas' face is such a contrast to the sexual innuendos and dance movements that came out of him earlier. Kimmon's not sure what to make of it.

"Kimmon, I've been a long time fan."

"O, thank you so much. That's lovely of you."

"Your solo album is what got me through dark times after my first girlfriend dumped me when I was twelve.”

Kimmon's surprised and he could hear Tee's sudden intake of breath.

"It did?"

"Yes. The simplicity of the words and melody resonated with me."

Kimmon tries not to visibly wince at the backhanded compliment because Bas seems quite sincere about his opinion.

"I went through another break up again and it really hurt. We were together for three _months_ , which as you know feels infinite," he emphasizes as he holds onto Kimmon's hands tighter. He nods in response, making some sympathetic sounds because laughing would be inappropriate. But he has no idea how to react to what Bas is saying.

"I've been going to temple more recently and my teacher said I needed to let go of the pain I've been feeling since my ex dumped me. And it's helped a lot but I want to physically let our relationship go through my music and share that with my fans if they ever go through anything similar. Then I remembered your album from years ago and how that helped me go through my pain. That's why I want you to help me write a song and sing a duet with me."

"Alright..." Kimmon could feel the nerves picking up again at the thought of writing. He's a little moved by Bas' words and can't help but be pulled in by them. He could see why Bas' fans adore him though. He has a magnetism about him.

"I want the words 'don't let it break your heart' to be in the song. It's something my teacher said to me when I came to him after putting myself into hiding for a week. It touched my heart and I've held onto it for a few months as a mantra, pulling me out of my funk. That will be the name of the song," he says smiling up at Kimmon.

"We'd like it by Friday if that's possible," Earth says.

" _What_?" Tee and Kimmon exclaim.

"Hold on," Tee turns to Earth, "It's Monday. You can't possibly mean this Friday could you?"

"Yes. His tour kicks off at the end of the month, so we'd like it right before then."

"You mean 4 days from now."

"Yea," Earth says, all nonchalant. Bas lets go of Kimmon's hands, sitting down on the couch looking calm as ever. They're both acting as if they didn't just ask for the impossible out of Kimmon and he's stunned.

"Also, if it doesn't work out with you, we have about 4 other artists we’ve asked to write the song. So you know, if you screw it up, we do still have some other backups."

Kimmon sends a pointed look at Tee, who looks annoyed at the implication, "Hold on, then what was all that about Kimmon's album helping Bas with his break up?"

"It did help me," Bas pipes in and stands up again, only to hold onto Kimmon's hand. He has very soft hands, "Kimmon, you're my number one out of all those others. My label gave me no other choice, but to ask for their help too. But I do still want you to be the one to write this song for me if you can. Please try."

"I-- ok. Ok I'll think about it."

"Thank you," Bas gives him a serene smile.

\--

Kimmon has his face in his hands as the car is taking him to his mall event.

"Tee, maybe I shouldn't do it."

"No. You're doing it. If I have to lock you up in a recording studio I will."

"Four _days_. Four days! I don't-- I don't know if I can do this. All my writing is just mediocre and stupid. I don't know how to write something uplifting which seems like that's what Bas is asking for," Kimmon starts panicking, "I need a lyricist and I don't...I don't know how to do that without--" he breaks off when he thinks of him.

"Hey, you need this. I don't want you to fade into oblivion, you're more talented than you think," Tee urges. He removes a hand from Kimmon's face, cradling it between his, "Listen, some amazing songs have been written in a day or less, you know? Even in a few hours. You can do it. I believe in you."

"Ugh, don't get corny right now."

Tee laughs, the sound of it curling into Kimmon's ear. It's a comforting sound, "Listen, take it a day at time. Today just focus on the events you have. Then for the rest of the week I'll let you work on this song. O wait, there are some events I have planned for you, but we'll work around it," he squeezes Kimmon's hand, "I've got some lyricists on call that may be willing to help. There's one that's pretty new and edgy. He fits with Bas' vibe I think. He's worked with all the new Korean pop acts alright?"


	4. Chapter 4

Kimmon's tinkering with the piano keys and humming to himself, trying to come up with the right melody to the lyrics he's been given. Jay, the lyricist that Tee hired, has been with him for the past hour and he's something else. Kimmon had looked him up when Tee forwarded his details and thought he found a kindred spirit, finding they had similar tastes in music. 

That went out the window when Kimmon enthusiastically greeted him at the door and Jay sent him a withering glare that made him feel very small. Jay maintained an unimpressed look the entire time they've interacted. Kimmon even tried to pull out some grade A level puns on the guy, but his mouth never moved a muscle or twitched into a smile. A part of Kimmon was offended because everybody laughed at his jokes.

Jay has this intensity that makes Kimmon uncomfortable. He also keeps saying how raw and real his lyrics were. Kimmon desperately wants to call Tee to whine about it and ask  _ what the fuck _ was he thinking hiring him and allowing him to be in Kimmon's apartment. 

"Ok...I think I got something," he mutters and starts up the melody again and sings, trying not to grimace as he does so.

_ I watch you walk away _

_ You're a bitch~ and I say to myself _

_ Don't let it break your heart _

_ And now I lay here on death's door _

_ My heart on the floor _

Such inspiring words.

"No no  _ no _ , that's shit! Stop ruining my poetry!" Jay yells, startling Kimmon and his fingers smash against the keyboard, "I want it  _ raw  _ dude."

"I'm  _ really  _ not sure what you mean by raw," Kimmon skeptically says. He thinks the word raw has lost all meaning at this point with how Jay has said it so many times. It doesn't even sound like a word anymore.

"You know _raw_ , visceral," Jay waves a hand in the hair like it explains everything. Kimmon wants to point out how those words mean the same thing and mean nothing to him, "None of that commercial pop shit that you hear on the radio nowadays. I'm better than that."

"I don't think there's a problem with commercial pop," he says, trying to calm Jay down.

"What? Are you saying that's what you want? Are my lyrics too  _ real  _ for you or something?" Jay asks aggressively, staring at him bug eyed.

Kimmon wonders how much pain he'd be in if he jumped out of the window right now. Anything to get away from Jay. A part of him wants to curl up and cry, but he's a grown up.

He's sure this is karma for being such a little shit when he was a teenager.

The doorbell suddenly rings, interrupting his thoughts and Jay's rant.

"Are you fucking serious right now? This is killing my vibe man."

Kimmon sighs, standing up and walking towards the door. To be honest, he is quite relieved for the disruption and will take anything to stay away from him. Jay is exhausting. 

"Just _ chill _ please," he says in a placating tone as he nears the door. He's not sure who it could be, not expecting anybody else, and Tee had the key to his place. He wonders if it's one of his neighbors coming to complain about the noise. He wouldn't blame them with the racket Jay's been causing.

What he doesn't expect to see is a young man, a bit shorter than him in stature and his hair completely dyed in a soft, grayish blond color.

"Hello?"

"Hello!" the man politely greets. Kimmon notices a pair of dimples that mark either side of his face as the man chews on his bottom lip, awaiting for Kimmon's response.

"How'd you get in the building? I'm not looking for anything to buy. Please leave," Kimmon starts to shut the door.

"Wait!" the man hastily brings a hand in between the door and the frame, "I'm not selling anything. I'm sorry I'm a little bit late. The bus was stuck in traffic cause of some accident like you would  _ not _ believe. Everything was backed up. But please, I swear I'll do a good job and I'll do my best not to be late next time."

"Uuuh..." Kimmon is taken aback trying to parse through all that babbling. The man stares at him with desperate eyes, "I'm sorry, but I really have no idea what you're talking about. Who are you?"

"O! I'm sorry, I thought it was obvious," the man straightens himself up as if to look a little taller. Kimmon is a bit endeared when he smiles up at him, "I'm the cleaner."

Kimmon frowns, ready to close the door again and partially hides his body behind it, "Hold on, I swear the person who cleaned my place was an older woman."

Shit, if this is some rabid fan, he's going to need to call Tee. Then possibly yell at security at the front desk for just letting anybody walk in because what is the point in paying all those ridiculous, extra fees then?

"Yea my mom's been sick," the man scratches the back of his neck,"I thought she'd let you know? She told me she left a message."

"To be honest, I don't really pay attention to my messages," Tee is the one to take care of this sort of thing and Kimmon needs to scold him for not saying anything. To be fair, now that he thinks about it, it is the day his cleaner would normally come in and he didn't realize that, what with him being so busy with Jay and his dramatics.

"...ok. Well," the man fiddles with his fingers for a moment as he stares at the ground, "I'm Copter. Here's the key card that let me in the building if you were wondering," Copter holds out a plastic card that Kimmon does recognize, the name of the apartment emblazoned on it. Copter stands there and looks up at Kimmon, waiting for him to reply back.

"Not to be a dick. I kind of believe you, but do you mind showing me proof that your mom is your mom?" Kimmon asks, "You understand right?"

"Um ok," Copter stands there looking a little lost, before he pulls out his phone and turns it around, letting Kimmon see the lock screen. It's a photo of him kissing his mother's cheek, who Kimmon instantly recognizes. He can't help but smile at how sweet of a picture they make.

"Yea...ok come in," he opens the door wider and Copter follows in, removing his shoes by the entrance. He pauses at the entry when he takes notice of Jay, who of course is staring at them with an unimpressed, bored look on his face.

"Erm. Copter this is Jay, he's a pretty notable lyricist."

"O! That's so cool. Hi I'm Copter, I'm the cleaner guy. Sorry to interrupt you."

Jay silently stares at the two of them turning the atmosphere more awkward.

Kimmon is suffering from second hand embarrassment and he barely knows the guy.

"Right. So," Kimmon looks over at Copter, who has a wary expression on his face from how intensely Jay is staring at them, "Just ignore what's going on in the living room ok? I'm in the middle of working right now, so don't worry about cleaning that area. You know where everything is?"

"Yea, my mom told where they were, don't worry. I'll be quiet," Copter smiles and walks away towards the kitchen.

Kimmon kind of wishes Copter stayed, if only because his presence lessened the tension that Kimmon feels around Jay, who is emanating annoyance from where he's sitting. He turns around, a wide smile on his face hoping it would put Jay at ease.

It doesn't.

"So where were we again?" he asks, sitting himself in front of the keyboard again. He squints at the lyrics on the page, a part of him dying at how ridiculous they are.

"I rewrote some of the chorus. It's a little more raw," Kimmon tries not to groan, "I think you should change the key to a minor key where it says "death's door". That's when the music should really pick up."

Kimmon starts to play the melody and sings the lyrics again, "I watch you walk away. You're a bitch and I say to my _ self _ . Don't let it break your heart-"

"Ugh!" Jay yells as Kimmon smashes the keys again in surprise, "No! You have to emphasize it like he _ art _ ."

Kimmon frowns, "I don't think that sounds better. Heart should sound a little softer."

"Excuse you? No try it again, you'll see what I mean."

Kimmon sighs and starts up the song again. He notices Copter tiptoeing from the kitchen towards the closet where most of the cleaning supplies are and taking a broom out. A part of him wishes Copter accidentally pours bleach on top of Jay. Somehow. He can see the confused face Copter makes as Kimmon sings the lyrics.

"Kimmon, no! You're messing it up again!" Jay cuts off into Kimmon's singing, "The first part is good but when you sing 'Don't let it break your heart'--"

"Whatever tears you apart..." Copter whispers in a sing-song tone as he sweeps the foyer.

They both stare at Copter who starts humming absentmindedly. Jay rolls his eyes in response, but Kimmon stands up from his chair, "Copter, say that again?"

"Hmm?" Copter looks up startled, pausing his movements.

"What did you just say?"

"O shit-- I'm sorry. I said I'd be quiet, please ignore what I just said!" Copter looks contrite.

"No no, it's fine," Kimmon says soothingly, "I really liked it. Say it again."

"I um...I don't remember."

"I think you said 'whatever tears you apart.' I really like that," Kimmon mumbles to himself, trying to find his pencil, as a bout of inspiration comes through his head.

"Kimmon are you fucking serious right now? That's not what I wrote," Jay spits out. He lets out an indignant squawk when Kimmon crosses out the lines Jay had written and writes new words next to it.

Kimmon sits down, replaying the melody again, "Even when it hurts like hell. Oh, whatever tears you apart. Don't let it break your heart," he sings.

Jay scoffs, "So you just want the lyrics to rhyme? Like a pleb? We might as well just hire cleaner boy over here for that."

"Hey..."Copter grips onto the broom in his hand, looking nervously over at them, "I have a name you know. And I'm just here to clean his apartment."

Jay steps closer towards him, "Finish the lyric. Whatever tears you apart. Don't let it break your heart?" he waves a hand as if telling Copter to continue.

Copter looks over at Kimmon, his eyes wide, "I uh...um," he stammers out.

"Jay, come on," Kimmon sighs out, feeling a headache coming on. He rubs the area between his eyebrows trying to soothe the tension headache, "It's ok you don't have to answer him Copter."

"Hah, figures," Jay laughs mockingly, "This is a waste of my time," and he starts heading to where his belongings are. Kimmon wonders who hurt Jay so bad to be incredibly mean and bitter like this.

"Whatever tears you apart. Don't let it break your heart. It takes some time to heal it. But with you by my side, I'll be well again." Copter rushes out.

Jay has a disgusted expression on his face, "What's the next line going to be then? More drivel about crying and feelings?" he starts shaking his head, grabbing his jacket and bag from the chair, "You people _ disgust _ me," he declares and nearly shoulders Copter, slamming the front door shut.

Kimmon and Copter stare at the door in shock.

"O my god," Copter exclaims. He turns around quickly towards Kimmon, looking shocked and worried at what just transpired, "O my god, o my god! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make him leave! Is your job ruined? I'm really really sorry."

Kimmon waves a dismissive hand, "It's fine. To be honest, I think you did me a favor there. We weren't really working well together," he grimaces thinking of the past hour. He takes out his phone to send a quick text to Tee about Jay bouncing.

Copter still looks troubled when Kimmon looks back up after putting his phone away.

"Hey it's fine. Really," he smiles.

"Ok. If you say so," Copter mutters and sweeps the floor albeit with a still troubled look on his face.

"Um..." Kimmon isn't sure how to approach this, but decides to go for it, "Copter have you heard of the band SPARK?"

Copter snorts, starting to sweep the hallway towards the kitchen, "My older sisters were  _ huge  _ fans, posters everywhere in their room. Kind of unavoidable when I was at school too cause all the girls loved them and wouldn't stop singing that one song. The one that goes, 'Pop, pop, pop pop you're in my heart?' I remember they had these ridiculous all jean and leather outfits and their awful hair. The choreography was pretty ba--"

Kimmon tries not to start laughing when Copter suddenly stops in front of a framed poster of his band that hung in the hallway and he can see the recognition in his eyes, "Holy shit you were in it."

He whips his head around, "O god, sorry."

"It's fine," Kimmon laughs, "I know the dance was pretty bad."

"Don't take offense, but you look a lot more different now than you did back then."

Kimmon shrugs. He knows it himself, how much he's changed over the years, "I take it then you've heard of Bas?"

"The singer right? Yea. I'm a fan!"

"Hmm..." Kimmon looks down at his piano keys for a bit and looks up at again, "The song I'm working right now is for him actually. He said he was a fan of mine, so he wanted me to write one. Well trying to write. You saw how that just went," he twists his mouth to the side, "I want you to work with me. I think there's potential there."

"O no. O nonono," Copter stammers out, "I'm flattered but that's um...no. I can't. I'm sorry. I just- uh," he puts the broom against the wall and heads to wear his shoes are. Kimmon's a bit frozen as he watches him move in a panic, "I've never written before ok? I mean wait, obviously I have. Everybody has I think, how is that not possible? But I'm not the one you want alright?" he starts putting his shoes on.

"Wait, wait Copter! Ok, it was a little rough, I admit that. But I really think you have something special. I need this song done by the end of the week and I think we can work well together," Kimmon says as he cautiously walks towards him.

"Ah, no. I can't. I can't write. I'm not the right person for this," Copter puts his hand on the door knob, the sound of a click being heard. He's looking at the ground now, his bangs covering his eyes, "I'm no lyricist, you're going to have to find someone else. Sorry, really," he fully opens the door, about to step out, "Sorry for cutting this short. I um...I just realized I need to go babysit my...niece."

It's so obviously a baldfaced lie with how he says it, but Kimmon doesn't point it out.

"Ok," Kimmon says, "Um...wait."

Copter pauses at the entrance and turns around to face him. There's a vulnerable look in his eyes and a part of Kimmon feels bad for making him stay a little longer.

He chews on his bottom lip, mulling over what to say next, "I still perform actually. If--if you change your mind yea? I'm singing later tonight at Siam Center as a guest singer."

Copter has a confused look on his face, but it clears out into a soft smile, "Yea ok, that's--ok thank you Kimmon."

Kimmon nods and Copter leaves, closing the door and just like that he's gone.

He sighs, the feeling of exhaustion settling over him and he sits on his chair again, burying his head in his hands. It's only Monday and the day is nearly over.

"O what am I going to do?"

\--

Kimmon shimmies his hips to the peppy beat of the song, knowing the fans like it when he does that as he belts out one of the popular hits of SPARK. The fans react enthusiastically, screaming and clapping as he moves across the small stage, skipping back and forth along it as far as he could. He soaks it all in, their energy pushing his confidence.

He spies Tee, standing to the side of the stage, from the corner of his eye getting his groove on to the music. Tee gives a thumbs up when Kimmon glances at him and he faces back to the crowd, holding his mic out for them to sing along.

Even though it's true that nobody has interest in the band anymore, the screams from the fans make him feel otherwise. He often forgets this, but as he stands before them, the feeling of singing on stage takes him back to his youth, when he was a little more innocent and less jaded. Happy to just sing his heart out with no behind the scenes drama weighing him down.

Moving onto one of the slower songs in SPARK's catalog, he reaches his hand out to the crowd.

It's lovely to still see some fans that have stayed with him over the years and watching him grow up because he's seen them grow up along with him. Spying some familiar faces, he smiles at them as his hands brush along theirs and he continues to serenade them. It's a relief for him every time he spies from the side of the stage and sees the same group in the crowd. They act as if it's a privilege to see him, when they don't realize it's a privilege for him to still be able to perform for them. As long as there are still fans, he'll keep on singing for them at a million malls because it's really all he has now.

He finishes with a song from his solo album that he had written when he was still in the band. It ends with the fans crying out at him happily and there is a swoop of happiness through his chest as he sings the last note.

The event moves on with the next guest singer and Kimmon quickly leaves the side of the stage, chugging a water bottle to sooth his parched throat. He meets up with Tee and gets ready to meet the fans that usually stay behind to take pictures with him. Tee adds a little color to his lips and Kimmon fluffs his hair, staring at the selfie function of his camera, "Do I look alright?"

"Picture perfect man."

Kimmon smiles and still feeling the adrenaline rush of being on stage, presses a loud messy kiss to Tee's cheek, "Thanks."

Tee wipes his kiss off with a look of feign disgust, "Ugh, go," and pushes him out to the waiting group of fans. Kimmon laughs and walks out, greeting the smiling fans and reaching out to their high fives. It's ingrained to him at this point to smile or pout to the different camera phones that the fans hold out. He makes sure they have all his good angles as he turns to pose for their digital SLRs, joking with them and asking how their day was going.

It's as he finishes taking the last photo with a fan and tells her thank you, that he hears a familiar voice calling out his name.

"Kimmon um...hi."

Kimmon turns and Copter's there smiling, his dimples deepening as soon as their eyes meet.

"O hey! This is a surprise," Kimmon huffs out a laugh, "I kind of thought you wouldn't show up actually."

"Ah yea. I didn't think I would either. My sisters made me come here when I mentioned you," Copter says, looking a little bit sheepish to admit this, "They were in the crowd earlier actually. Told you they were your fans remember?" He points over to two women who are sitting on a bench not too far from them. They enthusiastically wave at Kimmon when they notice him staring.

He waves back, smiling at them and turns to Tee, "Tee, this is Copter. The potential lyricist I mentioned earlier."

"So you're the one that caused Jay to leave huh."

"O god," Copter grimaces, "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to insult him. I mean, I don't think I did?"

"You didn't," Kimmon says and whips his head towards Tee, "Jay is a weirdo manchild and I still can't believe you had me deal with him. But Copter over here," he pats a friendly hand on Copter's back, "Kind of helped me with the song and had some interesting lyrics. I asked him to write it with me?" he ends it in a question as he stares at Copter, waiting for him to answer.

"So um. I wanted to apologize for how I said no earlier. I don't think I was very nice with how I went about it, especially with leaving the job unfinished like that. My mom would be unhappy to find that out. Also I lied, I don't have a niece," Copter says, "But I'm just...I'm not a lyricist. I did want to thank you for offering me that opportunity. It was really kind of you."

Kimmon sighs, a little frustrated that this isn't going the way he wanted, "Is there a reason why?"

"Hey Copter," his two sisters join in and Kimmon's taken aback at how they suddenly appeared by his side. Are they ninjas?

"Guys, I told you to sit over there for a reason," Copter's face turns into a scowl, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

"I know, but Copter I couldn't wait any longer!" one of them says as she clutches his arm, "Could we just have a picture please? Please please  _ please _ ."

"O my god, you guys," Copter whines, his mouth getting pouty and he stamps a foot down. It's quite clear who the youngest of the siblings are. The other sister is about to retort something back to him.

"Hey hey yea, I don't mind," Kimmon interrupts, trying to alleviate the situation. The sisters perk up in excitement, thanking him profusely as they stand on either side of him. he can't seem to stop the next question coming out of his mouth, "Could I do anything to convince you?"

Copter stares at him, holding his camera phone up and about to take the photo, "Kimmon it's not that I don't want to do it. I would love to, but I can't."

"Listen Copter, my writing isn't amazing ok? I haven't written properly without my band mate in years."

"Kimmon come on, don't sell yourself short. Your writing is fine. You wrote a solo album, remember?" Tee pipes up from where he’s standing besides Copter.

"One time I tried to rhyme 'you and me' with 'autopsy'. It was a mess.”

"Hey Copter, come on take the picture," the woman on Kimmon's right mutters.

Copter frowns, "I mean that's not so bad. You could make that work I think."

" _ Copter _ ," the other woman deadpans, “Hurry up.”

"Let me take the picture," Tee says, tapping Copter’s shoulder and taking the phone from Copter’s grip. Copter's still looking in the air as if seeing the words before him and not seeming to notice his phone isn’t in his hands anymore, "Figuring out you and me, it's like making a love autopsy…”

"O wow!" Kimmon smiles, laughing in delight at that, and throws a hand in the air, "Tee, see he's pretty good right?"

Tee snaps a photo and smiles, turning towards Copter, "Yea I liked that. Do you have anything else?"

"Do you mind taking another picture?"

"They could operate all day long and never find out what's wrong?" Copter says thoughtfully.

Kimmon whoops with laughter, "Copter come on that's brilliant!" Copter smiles at him and a part of Kimmon wants to poke his dimple, "Copter I really think you have a talent."

Tee takes another picture.

"Thanks Kimmon. But I'm going to have to turn you down. I'm sorry, I really am. It was nice to meet both of you," Copter says with a finality that bore no room for argument and he turns towards his sisters, "Guys, we're leaving right now."

"Copter, just one more photo o my  _ god _ ."

He rolls his eyes and stalks off.

"Crap. Wait, just one quick one," one of them says to Tee, straining a smile. He takes the last photo and the other sister grabs the phone, both of them giving rushed goodbyes and thank yous and they run after Copter's retreating figure.

Kimmon sighs as he watches them walk away. He turns to Tee with forlorn eyes, "What am I going to do Tee?"

Tee puts a hand on Kimmon's shoulder, "I'll try to figure out a way to help you out ok? I think he would be a good partner for you too."

"Please don't do anything illegal." 


	5. Chapter 5

Kimmon's musing over the lyrics, determined to get through working on the song himself. He had already worked out a tentative melody for the chorus that morning and considered that a huge accomplishment. He almost decided to go take a nap as a reward for working so hard. But he imagined Tee standing there scolding him for acting like a child, so he kept pushing.

Earlier that morning Tee had called to inform him what he found of Copter, his phone call waking Kimmon up, "He's actually a published writer. Well not exactly. Just for the poetry column in his university newspaper. He went there to study poetry and writing."

"Huh. That kind of explains his way with words," Kimmon mumbled into his pillow then sat up, "Wait how in the hell did you find that out?"

"It's called the internet, Kimmon. Catch up with the rest of us. I sent you some of his pieces already. I think they're pretty good. Makes me wonder why he never went on to do writing as a career."

"O ok," Kimmon sighed in relief and lay back on the bed, "Hold on let me check, keep talking," putting the call on speaker and went to his emails to find the most recent one Tee sent. It was a collection of poems that Tee had copied into the email, about ten of them. As Kimmon read through them quickly, he sensed the yearning for a love behind those words and it made Kimmon wonder who was Copter's muse to inspire such beauty.

"Also I found out where he works," Tee's voice breaks through his hazy thoughts, "Some bakery called Wonder Bread. Maybe you can go there to convince him to work with you."

Kimmon stared at the mottled pattern of his ceiling, "Tee. What the  _ hell _ . That's called stalking."

"Huh. Guess it is," Tee mused, "Don't you think it would let him see that you really want to work with him?"

" _ No!  _ That would freak him out even more and make him determined not to work with me at all. Let's not put me in the tabloids for being a creepy stalker alright? I'm not doing that. Forget it," Kimmon sighed, a little tired even though he had just woken up. He rubbed his forehead, "I'll just work on this on my own. Maybe Bas will like whatever I put out anyways. He said I was his number one remember? I bet if it's just me farting and burping in the song, he'll go for it."

"Hmm I'm sure the label will have something to say about that though."

"Why does it sound like you have no faith in me and that they'll choose someone else?"

"What? No. Obviously I do!" Tee sounded a little hurt, "I'm your biggest cheerleader, come on don't be a dick right now."

"Mm..."

"Ugh, Kimmon. Get out of bed and work on the song right now. Time's wasting away!"

Kimmon's tapping his pencil against the keyboard lightly, mulling over some words on the sheet of paper in front of him.

_ Don't let it break your heart _

_ Whatever tears you apart _

_ Even if it hurts like hell _

_ Together with you, it'll AEIFlkesjfklsfdfg _

He throws his pencil across the room and he scratches his hair aggressively, groaning into his arm. The negative thoughts are building up in his head again and all he wants is to curl up in bed so they can disappear and not follow him in his sleep.

There's a knock on the door and Kimmon drops his pencil from being startled. He stares over at the door and there's a quiet knock again. He can hear the hesitation behind it.

Kimmon sighs, pushing his chair back to stand. Maybe a bit of distraction is what he needs from this song to get his muses going, "I'm coming!" and he shuffles over to open the door. He kind of hopes it's one of his neighbors who often brings him some leftover dessert; she tended to make too much and Kimmon was always her willing garbage disposal.

He swings it open and it's Copter.

"O. Copter!" Kimmon's excited, wondering if he possibly changed his mind. He notices patches of flour on Copter's clothes and a streak of white along the side of his neck, "Um...you got a little--" Kimmon reaches out to wipe at it, not realizing what he's doing.

Copter takes a step back with a frown, "What the heck are you doing?"

"Ah, I'm sorry," Kimmon drops his hand in shock, "You have flour on your neck."

Copter wipes at it quickly, looking a little embarrassed, and stares at the floor instead. A small part of Kimmon wants to tease him, but he doesn't think Copter would appreciate it, "So, what brings you back here?"

"Hmm, I left my jacket in your kitchen yesterday and I just realized it today when I was heading to work this morning. Figured it was better to get it now than later."

"I see. Come on in," Kimmon moves to the side and Copter shuffles into the apartment. He watches Copter head towards the kitchen and alright, a small part of him sort of wants to follow after and corner him to try to convince Copter to work together.

But that would be borderline stalking and he'd be a hypocrite after lecturing Tee about it.

Kimmon sits himself in front of his keyboard and plays a bit of the chorus again, singing softly to himself waiting for some inspiration of words to flow through his head to connect with what he'd written down.

"That sounds..." he stops playing, the piano notes trailing off as he looks up to see Copter standing in the hallway, his jacket folded in his arm, "That sounds lovely so far."

"Thanks, I'm still struggling to figure out the words though," he sighs, tapping at a key randomly, "But I'm hoping a moment of inspiration will suddenly hit me and I can finish this song before the deadline."

"Huh, when do you have to send it by?"

"Friday."

"That's rough."

"Well I'm using the line you said so at least I have something of a chorus so far thanks to you," Kimmon knows he's pushing again, but he can't help it.

Copter chuckles, shyly looking down and his bangs fall over his eyes, "You know what I said was just random right? I'm not that good."

"I came across your poetry," Copter looks up at him, his eyes wide, "My manager looked you up and sent them to me. I wouldn't say it's just random. You have a beautiful way with words."

"I think you're one of the few people in the world that has read them then, so thanks."

"I know that it sounds like I'm just saying all that since I want you to work with me, but really. You're very talented."

Copter's cheeks are pink, "Um...I'm very flattered. Really I am. But just cause I can write some poetry doesn't mean that translates to writing a song."

Kimmon purses his lips to the side, wondering if he should go for it and decides  _ fuck it _ , "You kind of did though."

There's a look of confusion that passes Copter's face, "Kimmon, I think I'd know if I wrote a song."

"Just-- look just sit here," Kimmon gestures to the sofa across from him, "I want to show you something. Please, it won't take more than 5 minutes."

Copter hesitates and Kimmon waits it out patiently, sending over a small smile to him as encouragement, as they stare at each other. Something must click though because Copter nods and walks forward, sitting himself in front of the piano, "Well?"

Kimmon smiles, his fingers flying across the piano keys as he plays a light melody, "I think you'll recognize this."

" _ Love autopsy _ ..." Kimmon softly sings and Copter lets out a small laugh, covering his mouth in surprise.

" _ Figuring out you and me _ ," he keeps crooning and looks back up at Copter with a wide smile, " _ It's like making a love autopsy. _ "

" _ They could operate all day long and never find out what's wrong _ ," Kimmon keeps playing the soft melody with a relish, " _ Love autopsy...Love autopsy _ ..."

"O wow," Copter brings a hand to his mouth, a look of awe on his face, "Kimmon that was so amazing."

"You wrote those words though. It was all you."

"But Kimmon, the music was so lovely. I loved it. You brought them to life...no wonder why my sisters love you," Copter's voice trails off but his smile is bright and charming as his dimples deepen; the way the sunlight hits his hair and cheekbones give him an ethereal glow.

Kimmon blinks.

"Thanks."

Copter sighs, staring back down at his hands that are twisted in his lap,"Ah but still, all this came out by accident. I'm not a lyricist when it comes down to it," he laughs and Kimmon can't help but smile at him, "I'm sorry, I keep saying that. It must be annoying."

“It's fine. But listen. I haven't found it easy to find another person to work with when it comes to songwriting. Not for a very long time and you're the first in a while that I felt clicked easily like this. I think last night really showed that for me. And you saw how awful it went yesterday with Jay," they both chuckle, "And if I'm wrong that we'd be terrible together, then I'll accept it. But I think I'm right that we'd make an amazing song. Please."

He hopes his earnestness is heard and Copter stares back at him for a long moment. His eyes are wide, mouth twitching to the side and Kimmon can see the turmoil in his expression as he thinks of what to say.

"Ok."

"Ok?"

Copter nods, "Yea I'll work with you."

"Really?" Kimmon tries to keep the hope out of his voice, but he can't stop smiling.

"I think it will be good working with you too," he says slowly, looking to the side, "I haven't written in a while and I do miss it."

Kimmon instantly stands up, whooping with joy and tries to calm down. He's a grown ass man, it's not becoming. Copter looks amused, trying not to laugh at him.

"You don't mind starting today do you? I'm assuming you've had work all day from the bakery. But with Friday coming soon..."

"It's fine. I'll call in work so I can take time off to work with you on this till you send off the song."

Kimmon holds out a hand towards Copter, "It'll be a pleasure working with you," he says loftily, "This'll be your most important mission yet."

Copter chuckles and slips his hand into Kimmon's, shaking it slightly, "The pleasure is mine."


	6. Chapter 6

They had spent the next hour or so working out with Tee on Copter becoming a co-writer to the song. Kimmon still doesn't understand how any of the paperwork worked out, but he was grateful when Tee told them to concentrate on writing while he handled the busy work.

He figures he should buy multiple fancy dinners for Tee.

"Alright," Kimmon sits next to Copter on the sofa, sprawling his body across the cushions.

Copter folds his legs up, putting the notepad on his lap, "Um so how does this work? Do I just write the lyrics and you write the music at the same time? Or do we just do it separately?"

"Hm, sometimes they go hand in hand. But let's start with lyrics since I've been struggling working out the melody when I had nothing to do on."

"Ok..." Copter twirls the pencil between his fingers, looking pensive as he stares off into space. Kimmon's a bit hypnotized as he watches how it dances between his slender fingers, "Explain to me what Bas wanted from this song."

Kimmon disputes a bit with himself on how much he should reveal about Bas' personal life. But there's something trustworthy about Copter and he seemed the type to not gossip to outsiders, "He said he wanted this song to be about letting go of the pain he had from an ex breaking up with him."

Copter looks as if he's thinking hard as he nods while listening to Kimmon, "Ok. Ok, so this is just my opinion about this, you don't have to agree. I think we should approach the song as dealing with pain and struggle from any hardship as the theme. That would resonate with more people. Not everyone's been through heartbreak, but I think the pain is the same yea? We kind of already had that with the chorus, 'Even when it hurts like hell. Whatever tears you apart. Don't let it break your heart'," Copter says as he writes the words out, "But you know, instead of being about moving on from heartbreak, it'll be about growing from the pain and struggle of whatever you go through."

Kimmon leans in closer, smiling, "That's pretty good. No. That's great. I like the way you think. I knew I had a good reason to have you here," he says excitedly.

Copter looks a little bashful and part of Kimmon wants to coo and ruffle his hair. But they're total strangers so he can't just do that like he would with Tee, "Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We've barely started. Umm...you should put a little bit of yourself into the song since you're singing it too."

"Ok, so struggle and heartbreak..." Kimmon mutters and sits back onto the plush cushions. He looks up at the ceiling and clucking his tongue against the roof of his mouth as he does so, trying to come up with the opening words.

\--

Two hours have passed.

And they've made zero progress.

"I don't understand why we're not getting anything," Kimmon groans into his arms that's over his keyboard, "They're just _lyrics_ , shouldn't it just I don't know, spit out of us? It's not _that_ important for it to make sense," he mutters.

"Why does that sound like a thinly veiled insult towards writing?"

"I'm not, you know, insulting it. Just ugh. People listen to music and beats more anyways."

"You can't really believe the lyrics aren't as important as the melody."

"Um, I..." Kimmon throws his hands in the air, feeling like he's losing control of the conversation. Copter looks annoyed, "I mean, that's why books exist? So you can read those?"

Copter rolls his eyes, "Songs are poetry with music Kimmon. You can have the best melody and beats, but if the lyrics are shit nobody will care much for it, no matter how addicting the song is."

"Have you listened to the radio lately? People just want a catchy beat."

"You've been saying how bad you are at writing lyrics this entire week to get me to come work with you," Copter deadpans, "Or do you want to bring Jay back here to have him write it?"

"...point."

"You really don't get it do you?"

"I uh...I..." Kimmon stammers. The top of Copter's eyes look flat. It's unnerving to Kimmon how different he looks when he's not happy, "Get what exactly?"

Copter sighs and stares at Kimmon unflinchingly, "The melody is important, yea? But it's like meeting someone for the first time. And you find them hot and want to fuck them. That's the melody, it's what gets you to notice and listen."

The way he says "fuck" causes the hairs on Kimmon's neck to stand and he feels a heat go through his body.

Kimmon coughs, "Yea, I get that."

"But then you get to know them once you get past all of that, know what their secrets are, what they yearn for in life and their fears. You know their soul. That's the lyrics," Copter stares at Kimmon and it feels like he's staring deep into his soul, "That's why the two together make a song beautiful. And I think with a song like this, we shouldn't go scant on the lyrics. It's why you chased after me right? I think you know it deep down."

"I...ok."

Copter hums for a bit and stands up, tossing his notepad into his bag and putting it over his shoulder, "Let's go outside. Your shitty apartment is probably stifling our creativity."

"I'll have you know I pay like _so_ much money to live here."

Copter's pushing Kimmon out of his chair and towards the front, "Yea yea, fancy apartment, you're so rich and hot, I get it. Let's just go outside, take a walk and maybe something inspirational will hit us."

"It's freaking," Kimmon takes out his cell phone, still being pushed along, "It's _late_."

Copter peeks over his shoulder to look at his phone and snorts, "O my god, you're such an old man. It's not that bad. Come on!" Copter runs forward a bit and puts on his shoes, "Let's get some fresh air and get that inspiration!" he pumps an arm into the air like he's a little schoolboy excited for his first school field trip.

Kimmon grumbles, grabbing his flip flops, "We can totally find some inspiration here. There's the internet, the whole world at our fingertips."

"I'm not going to even comment how dumb you sound right now. Nope! We're going," Copter opens the door.

"I don't like how comfortable you're getting with me."

He grunts as he's shoved out of the door.

Then runs back in to get his keys.

\--

The neighborhood Kimmon lives in is surrounded by high class shopping malls and stores, so they decide to eat dinner in one of the malls.

"You know," Copter slurps a noodle into his mouth, "I've always wondered why your band broke up. You guys were so big when it happened, it was kind of sudden."

" _Woooow_ , you're just going straight for it huh. No weird roundabout questions to cushion the blow," Kimmon says wryly.

Copter shrugs and keeps eating the noodle dish he ordered, "My sisters were devastated when the news broke. Imagine me in secondary school already dealing with puberty and trying to get my crush to notice me and managing to invite her to my house to go study and coming home to find my older sisters sobbing in bed. I had to handle it cause my parents didn't understand why they were so sad and kept telling them to get over it, which made it _worse_ . It was traumatizing Kimmon, _traumatizing_ and 100% your fault. You owe me money for emotional damage."

"Tragic."

"Well yea! My crush also cried too when my sisters told her the news of the band disbanding, so thanks a fucking lot for that. Maybe we could've been married by now."

"O _sooo_ sorry your study date ended prematurely, while my livelihood was disappearing."

Copter sticks his tongue out.

Kimmon chuckles, twirling his chopsticks in his bowl and watching the noodles move, "Um...well. The guy, who shall not be named, I wrote our music with. Took the rights to the songs we had written together that were meant to go toward our next album and used it for his solo album. Obviously he did very well."

Copter's mouth drops, "That's...what? Just suddenly like that? What an asshole. Is that even legal?"

"His new manager somehow managed to make it work. Guy had like the fanciest lawyers on him."

"Dicks."

"Well, it's not like this happened out of nowhere. A lot of things behind the scenes were getting bad. Even though I was the leader, my voice was below average and he had the most amazing voice you know? So he was the star of the group and had the most singing lines, but it made sense with his talent. I found out later that a lot of people around were telling him to leave and that he was better off without us. Right before he left, we got into a fist fight after an award show actually. Guess that convinced him to really leave and he surprised us with what he did, taking those songs. Maybe I could've handled his leaving better but..." Kimmon sighs, "It's all in the past now."

Copter eats another bite of his dinner and looks at Kimmon with a contemplative look, "Don't answer if you're uncomfortable, but were you close to him?"

Kimmon's throat is dry as he thinks about it and nods a little, "We were the closest to each other in the band, probably because we were also the closest in age too. He was my best friend at work and outside of work. I got along with the other two, but he was...yea," he smiles bitterly, "We clashed right away the first time we met because of our personalities."

"Ha, how so?" there's a twinkle in Copter's eyes. 

"Well I like to think I'm a cheery person that makes everyone comfortable. The jokester of the group was my unassigned role, aside from being the leader. He was more serious about everything and anytime I fooled around on stage or on some variety show, he'd freak out behind stage that I wasn't being proper. So we didn't get along for maybe the first year and when we first started working together writing for our second album, I didn't think it would work," Kimmon smiles thinking back on it.

"But after arguing the first few weeks, it somehow just worked out? And he became a different person too, a lot more laidback and I like to think I helped in some way. He was my confidant and I was his since being in the industry is something not a lot of people go through." he looks down at his plate, "And then he left."

"He never indicated he was thinking about it?"

"No. The award show I mentioned was where I heard people around me talking about it. I later confronted him about it that night. Maybe I should have done it in private but I wasn't thinking and he kept denying it and just," Kimmon shrugs, "I can't remember who threw the first punch because we were busy insulting each other while my two other band mates tried to pull us apart."

"I'm sorry Kimmon."

"Yea me too. But I'm not really angry about it anymore."

"Really?"

"It's tiring being angry all the time. I’m pretty sure it’s the reason for all my wrinkles,” he says in jest and Copter giggles, “But I didn't handle it in the best way after we disbanded for a while."

"How did you handle it then?"

"Well my shitty solo album for one. Then after getting dumped by my management, anf surviving off my savings, I uh...also may have drunk a whole lot of alcohol. Tee came into my life at a pretty low point and helped me pull out of it."

"It's nice that you have Tee in your life. He seems great."

"He is. I think I would've left the industry completely if he didn't show up."

Copter smiles, his lips stained red from the chili oil in the soup and Kimmon wants to reach over to wipe it off, "You're going to have to tell me more about how you two met. But first!" he pats the notepad that's next to him on the table, "We should probably focus on this."

"How much did we manage to get done?"

"I wrote one word."

"Ugh."

\--

"Hmm...you know I never knew Bas was with anyone," Copter muses, doodling on his notepad absentmindedly, "I think it would've been big news if he was right?"

They're sitting on a bench in a park that's near Kimmon's apartment. Lots of families and couples are on their evening stroll, taking advantage of the rare cool night.

Kimmon shrugs, "You'd be surprised by the amount of people dating in the entertainment industry. Most of us hide it though."

A companionable quiet settles between them and Kimmon keeps thinking of potential lyrics. The soft hush of Copter's pencil on the notepad adds something to the quiet ambiance, along with the laughter and chatting going around them.

"Did you?" Copter breaks.

"Did I what?"

"Hide a relationship?"

Kimmon's quiet, thinking of a past love and how that turned out. It's something he tries not to think about too much. He looks over at Copter, who stares back at him with an open expression and a calm feeling comes over him that he wouldn't be judged for his past mistakes.

"I did. She was the love of my life and I thought that I was gonna marry her actually. She left me too," Kimmon says wistfully and turns his face away. He's moved on from her after all this time, but sometimes his heart felt heavy when he thought of her in his moments of self loathing, "Last I heard, she's happily married and has a kid now and doing amazing as the head of some architect firm. So it worked out for her you know? To be happy and find someone that appreciates her. That's all I wanted to give her."

"You really loved her didn't you?" Copter says softly.

"Yea...we were together for maybe four, five years? She stayed with me when the band was picking up momentum and easily accepted that our relationship couldn't be public when we got even bigger. I didn't do right by her," Kimmon sighs, combing his fingers through his hair, a little exasperated at his behavior back then, "I was terrible and-- ah."

Kimmon could still recall the ache in his heart from one of their last fights before she ended it. The look on her face, still beautiful even though she was crying and eyes full of pain, saying she never felt she fit in his world. That she felt she was being hidden as if he was ashamed of her, which was not even close to the truth.

And then the band broke up mere months after.

That period in his life wasn't so great.

Copter nudges his shoulder, interrupting the sad memories going through his mind, "I didn't mean to make you sad thinking about her."

"It's fine. I've come to terms with it already," Kimmon says, "Actually, I attempted to write a bunch of songs on my own about our breakup as a way to deal with it. Wanted to try a different direction than the usual music I sang with the band. But the studio said no and sent these producers in to fix it up to make it more ‘appealing’. And even though I had worked with plenty of producers before, that experience…” Kimmon sighs, “It made me want to quit altogether. But my manager said to trust them, that they knew the best for me. And it wasn't like I had anything else to offer so I had to listen."

"Your manager said that? To your face?" Copter asks, appalled.

"I've had worse. You either learn to shrug it off or else cry all the time and nobody appreciates that. It wasn't like he was wrong," Kimmon rubs his tongue along his teeth, "But it's not as if that made a difference for me. People ripped the album apart anyways, compared it to his. I think I remember the words 'contrived' and 'soulless' was thrown around a lot."

Copter sighs, "Hey, I never heard it, but I'm sure your album wasn't that bad like you're making it out to be."

Kimmon scoffs.

"Your fans enjoyed it right?"

"Well not enough clearly. It did terribly chartwise," he muses, "I had some time to reflect on that album and it didn't come from the best place. I did it as some kind of revenge ploy. The two things I had loved the most left me one right after the other and I was in such a bitter place at the time, so I took the first record deal I could find to make an album. Show I was better off without them and that I could be successful without them in my life. And now you see the end result.”

"I don't think..." Copter looks over at him from his notepad for a moment before looking back at it again, "Well I don't think you turned out too bad, if my opinion matters. I think you turned out alright, all things considered."

Kimmon's unable to stop the smile, "Thanks."

"Did she ever hear it? Your ex?"

"Dunno. Maybe. It's not like anything could have happened, yea? We've both moved on and she deserved better," Kimmon turns to his side facing Copter, laying an arm along the back of the bench. He's exhausted suddenly from pouring out all his thoughts and maybe that's why, as he stares at Copter, the question he's been wanting to ask comes out, "You don't have to answer this, but were you ever in love?"

Copter's pencil aborts its smooth movements on the notepad and Kimmon sees the hesitation in his eyes as he blinks rapidly.

"Um...it's-- your poetry. I had a feeling you were in love with someone when you wrote them. It reminded me a lot of when I tried to write about her," Kimmon looks at Copter's face for any changes, but he's turned stoic, "At least that's how I interpreted it. You don't have to say anything though."

There's a long silence and Kimmon watches Copter go back to doodling on the notepad again.

"Sometimes people could just imagine what being in love feels like and never experience it," Copter eventually says.

Kimmon doesn't push it.

\--

They're walking along the myriad of shops and Kimmon sees the record store that he often goes to, "Hey I want to show you something," he jerks his chin towards it and walks ahead to open the door, letting Copter in first. They’re hit with a wave of loud pop music over the speakers and bright lights that illuminate the store.

Copter looks around at the various albums and vinyls on the shelves with curious eyes, "What do you want me to see here?"

Kimmon makes a beeline towards one shelf in the middle of the shop. He flips through the music albums, their plastic casings clacking loud as they fall against each other under his deft fingers, "O here we go," he pulls out his solo album and shows it with a flourish to Copter.

"Ah! O, this is your album," Copter reaches out to hold it and examines the front, "This is a very broody looking cover," he presses his lips together in an attempt to not laugh and flips it around to read the back. Kimmon’s head is tilted back with a finger in his mouth, while wearing all black against a black backdrop. The photographer had told him that his slender neck was an asset and he should show it off; so Kimmon had done every pose he can think of to elongate it, but he ended up feeling like an ostrich and completely unsexy, while the photographer kept yelling, “Sultry, _more sultry_!”

"Yea, yea go ahead and laugh it up. I _know_ I looked hot," Copter guffaws, "I'll have you know this album's been sitting on this shelf for probably 3 years by now. I've checked once every few months," Kimmon brags as if this is his life's accomplishment.

"Maybe they just replaced it when someone bought it."

"Doubt it," Kimmon points at the price sticker in the corner, "I marked it with that black dot see?"

"Huh, so it is."

"Yep," Kimmon leans a bit on the shelf, "This is the album that made me not write for a while and things went to even worse shit. Then Tee found me and well, you know. Now I sing in malls and other small events. And my fans, who suddenly became a lot older, found me again. It's been a pretty nice few years I've got to say," he grins over at Copter, "My biggest event so far this year has been singing on this cruise ship that took us around the Chao Phraya river. The owner's wife was a big fan of mine, so that was fun."

"Hmm" Copter holds the album against his chest, as if thinking and he's drumming his fingers against plastic, "I'm going to buy it."

"Uh please don't," Kimmon feels awkward at how earnest Copter sounds, "Like don't buy it out of pity or whatever."

"What? No, I don't pity you, give me some credit. I really want to hear it and prove them wrong," Copter looks determined as he moves around Kimmon to go to the register.

He sort of maybe wants to cry right now.

\--

"Thank you for opening up to me today," Copter says, "I know that's not easy to do."

They're back to strolling around and not having made much progress on the lyric writing, but Kimmon finds he doesn't mind it. He doesn't think he's been this relaxed in a while, even though there is this song hanging over them. Considering they have less than two days before the deadline, he should be freaking out though.

"I don't really open up easily like that to people," Kimmon says slowly, "Has anyone told you that you're easy to talk to?"

"Erm. No," Copter laughs, sounding a little shy, "I hope you know you can trust me with all that you told me and um. I think it may have given me some inspiration with the song."

"Wait, really?"

Copter nods, beaming at Kimmon, "I've been thinking over them in my head and I think I know how we should tackle the song."

"Should we head home then?"

"Yea."

\--

"Here, try this," Copter rips the sheet of paper from his notepad and hands it over. Kimmon grabs onto it, the paper crinkling in his fingers, and reads the hastily written words. The melody comes to him as he sing-songs the words out quietly to himself.

"I like this," he smiles as he looks up at Copter.

"Yea?" Copter's grinning now, his eyes bright.

Kimmon nods, placing the paper onto the sheet stand, "So, I think I got something," he says quietly and lightly places his fingers onto the keyboard, playing some random notes at first before settling it into the story of notes that are in his head.

_Life gets hard and it gets messed up_

_When you give a lot but it's not enough_

_When the high is too high, and the low is too low_

_When you love someone and they let you go_

His voice fades out once he reaches the end and he looks over at Copter, who's excitedly clapping and smiling so bright.

"O my god o my god wait I think, wait hold on," Copter grabs his pencil and crosses out a few words and replaces them, "I think that'll make it sound smoother."

Kimmon's nods and can't help but watch Copter murmur to himself as he adjusts the wording around and adds more to the sheet. His colored hair softens his face, highlighting his cheekbones and Kimmon hitches in a breath as Copter bites his bottom lip in concentration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song is [Don't Let it Break Your Heart by Louis Tomlinson 💜](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhjCkwFMb_Q)


	7. Chapter 7

"I listened to your album," is the first thing Copter says when Kimmon opens the door.

"Oh...Oh! Um," a swoop of nervousness goes through Kimmon and he leans behind his front door, hand tightening around the door knob as if it's some kind of shield against Copter, "What did you think? Be honest."

He says that, but a part of him hopes Copter doesn't make fun of him. He didn't realize how much he values Copter's opinion until this very moment.

Copter steps in, removing his shoes by the door, "Well. I'll give my negatives first and you're right. It wasn’t... _great_."

"O..." Kimmon says and closes the door quietly, "Ok."

At least he didn't make fun of him.

"But, it wasn't the worst. It's-- I felt your earnestness in it. How heartbroken you were and maybe it's because I'm biased and know your backstory for the songs you wrote," he shrugs and looks up at Kimmon, smiling up at him, "You have a lovely expressive voice and I could hear how much pain you were in. And a couple of the songs I thought had nice melodies, and I was so sure they were written by you so I checked the credits and they were! You definitely didn't deserve some of the reviews you got for it," Copter puts a hand onto Kimmon's arm and squeezes it, "So, six out of ten."

Kimmon snorts, "Wow. That's generous. A lot higher than most of the reviews that rated it."

"Yea well, fuck them," Copter smiles and Kimmon feels a little warm at that sentiment. He can't help but smile back.

\--

Kimmon slams his fingers against the keys, a cacophony of noise interrupting the quietness in the apartment. Copter jumps from where he's sitting, letting go of his pencil and its rolls around the ground. He gives an unimpressed look over to Kimmon, who feels a little bit abashed.

Despite the burst of songwriting the both of them had done last night, today it doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon and the song is due _tomorrow._ They still needed to work out the two verses and Kimmon still wanted to tweak the chorus out, so holy shit they're screwed.

"I'm sorry, I just needed to get my frustration out," Kimmon mutters, threading his fingers through his hair and pulling slightly, "I'm freaking out man."

"O good. Thought I had to care for an unruly man child for a second there," Copter says wryly.

Kimmon pouts and Copter's face lights up, laughing, "I'm kidding. I get it. I used to de-stress in university by howling."

"What."

"Yea my friends and I would get together and howl as a group together. You'd be surprised how easily that lightens your mood."

Kimmon starts laughing, feeling a little lighter as he tries to imagine Copter howling, "O my god."

Copter grins, tapping his pencil against his notepad, looking around the room, "We should rearrange your furniture."

"Wh-what why?" Kimmon looks around the living area, "I kind of like the way I have everything."

"Everything's so rigid in here!" Copter stands up from his seat and starts to move some of the chairs around, "I'm pretty sure this is part of why it's stifling our creativity. There's no openness in this area and I hate how your keyboard blocks me."

"I thought we did fine last night to be honest," Kimmon mutters, feeling a little slightly freaked out at how Copter starts to move the coffee table to the side, leaving the area in the middle quite empty.

"Help me move the couch," Copter demands from the other side of the room and tries to move it, but it's quite heavy. 

"Ok, nope," Kimmon stands up, walking towards Copter, "Not my couch. This is seriously messing up my feng shui."

Copter pauses his attempts, "What."

"What, did you parents never teach you?"

Copter sighs and lays on the couch, "Course they did," he laughs and stares up at the ceiling, quiet for a few moments before he looks over at Kimmon, "Maybe we should go out to eat again," he quips.

"Copter," Kimmon frowns, "This song is due tomorrow. We have zero time to be going out."

"We made progress last night though from walking around."

"Copter no."

"Kimmon, yes."

"Copter, _no_."

"I'm not writing until we eat," he demands, "I barely ate anything this morning and we've skipped lunch. So we should go eat and refresh our minds. The walk will help and get our minds moving."

Kimmon opens his mouth and closes it. Copter looks determined as he crosses his arms over his chest, staring at Kimmon the entire time with a stubbornness that he finds hard to fight against.

He sighs.

"Fine."

\--

Copter has his notepad out as they're walking toward a restaurant that Kimmon knew had a quiet ambiance, "How about _We're driving down a road to something better_."

Kimmon clucks his tongue mulling over the words, "I like it but I think you should add in 'one way road'. It's a better description."

"O! O yea, ok I like that," Copter murmurs as he writes it down quickly. Kimmon pulls him to the side when he nearly runs down a kid that's racing down the sidewalk, "Maybe wait until we get to the restaurant to write that down.."

"Shit, thanks fo..."Copter trails off and Kimmon sees his eyes widen at something behind him, a shocked look on his face and suddenly he turns around walking in the opposite direction. Kimmon turns around to see who or what spooked Copter, but there's nothing behind him to indicate anything other than a few shops.

"Copter? Co- where are you going? The restaurant is this way!" Kimmon walks after him, catching up rather quickly, "Copter what's going on?" He hopes Copter suddenly didn't change his mind about working on this song, especially when this song is due tomorrow. He'll resort to begging on his knees if he has to and grab onto Copter's leg if it gets worse.

"Nothing!" Copter's voice sounds high strung and shaky.

"Hey, hey, hey," Kimmon puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping him and he peers over to look at Copter. Copter's blinking rapidly and Kimmon turns him around slowly to face him, "Clearly something is bothering you. You know you can talk to me right? I talked to you about a lot of things last night and you sat through my complaining about my own life. I-- I like to think we're friends now. I hope you know you can trust me," Kimmon hopes his eyes convey his sincerity.

Copter stares back at him, his eyes wide, "Shit. Ok. Let me show you."

He walks forward again to where they originally were and he stops in front of a bookstore, staring into the window display. Kimmon glances at it. It's the typical book display showcasing a bestseller book, _My Brown Haired Lover,_ that he's seen everywhere. He remembers Tee carrying the book all over with him, sometimes reading it while Kimmon performed, completely engrossed in it. Anytime Kimmon interrupted to ask a question, Tee would shush him fiercely. The following week, Tee gushed about how moving it was; that he's never read a book about a gay relationship by a male author before made it more special and how he wished he had a passionate love the way it was depicted in the novel.

Kimmon's still not sure why they're standing here though and he eyes Copter, who is stoically staring at the display.

"Do you know this book?" Copter finally says.

"Yea," Kimmon nods, "Tee was really into it. It's everywhere. My mom was scandalized but she loved it," he chuckles thinking back on it.

"Have _you_ read it?" Copter's still looking at the display, his facial expression not changing.

Kimmon shrugs, "I don't really read these kinds of books to be honest. Not my genre."

Copter's shoulders sag, "Well, what do you know of it?"

"Hm...I only know from what other people told me. My makeup artist and Tee wouldn't shut up for a week about it, so I kind of heard what the plot was about," Kimmon frowns, "Something about a student seducing his teacher and it becomes this passionate love affair. They were excited it was becoming a movie last I heard."

"Ha. yea. Ok," Copter sighs and breaks his gaze from the display and turns to face Kimmon, "I'm the student."

Kimmon blinks.

"Wait. What?" Kimmon looks back at the book display, confused, "Isn't this a fiction novel?"

Copter lets out a painful laugh and splays his hands out, jazz hands style, "Tadaaa! I'm the brown haired lover in the title," there's a tight smile on his face. It's clear he's nervous and the longer the seconds pass, his fake smile turns more strained. Kimmon reaches out to hold Copter's hand, but stops himself.

"Ok. We're going to need to eat right now. I think you need it."

\--

"You told me that Tee found my poetry online, for my school's newspaper."

"Yea."

"Yea, so. Um," Copter breathes out shakily, his hand shaking against his glass of water. He looks nervous and Kimmon's heart goes out to him.

"Could I-- could I hold your hand?"

"Huh?"

Kimmon smiles ruefully, "Just to you know, give you some kind of comfort."

Copter nods and Kimmon slides his hand across the table, fingers intertwining to Copter's. Some quiet moments pass and Copter seems to calm down and opens his eyes to look back up at him, "When I moved to Bangkok for university, I joined the official writing club that was there to feel less lonely. It was really fun to meet other people who had the same passion in writing as me and I was new to the city too, so they became my close friends. We did everything together aside from the club and I felt I belonged finally."

"That sounds really nice," Kimmon squeezes his hand encouragingly, recalling the fun times he had with his band mates.

"It was. So one of the seniors was..." Copter sighs, "We got along really well. The first time I met him, the club had writing workshops where we read out loud our writing or poetry for feedback and he told me how much he liked my prose. Um..." Copter looks away from Kimmon then and looks out the window.

"We went out a few times after that. He was so clever and charming. I always felt like he listened to everything I was saying and he had a way of making you feel special when he talked to you. Like he was solely focused on me and nobody else. So when he asked me out on a date, I was flattered to have his attention. 

"But then he graduated. I thought that was that and viewed it as a nice experience, to have a boyfriend for a few months. It wasn't like we were madly in love or anything. I was still 18 and having a serious relationship wasn't something I was looking for. Then um...ha...fast forward to my last year and he joined the faculty as a professor of literature. I was surprised when he came back, but it was nice to see him again. Then he asked me to be his teacher's assistant to help me out since I needed to make some money for rent."

"That was good of him."

"Yea, I was excited to have a job in school, even if it wasn't much, it still helped. And you know, he was still my friend, despite us being exes. I thought it'd be fun. But um...one of the sessions we had. I was grading some papers and he was going over them to double check. Then I don't know, it was intimate and dark in his office and we just kissed."

"O."

Copter nods, "I didn't expect it obviously, but deep down I realized I still had some kind of attraction for him. Even if he was my professor, we didn't care and spent more time together. And I fell in love with him, deeper than before. Everything I liked about him when I was 18, I saw in a different light, you know? He was my professor and just... _more._ More mature than the rest of my class and so accomplished for his age. He just knew so much about everything, he had to be, to become a professor that young. So I felt special with how he looked after me. It's corny to say, but it was a whirlwind affair and I'm a little ashamed to say we did a lot less work and more um..." he stops and his cheeks are flushed pink.

"It's ok, I get it," Kimmon says in an understanding tone, thumb stroking along Copter's hand.

Copter chugs his water and puts the glass down, "And my poetry. He was the one to encourage me to publish it in the school newspaper, to get my feet wet when it comes to publishing. So you hit it right on the nail, when you asked last night what my poetry was about," Copter looks back down at the table.

"A lot of the ones I published at the time, my poetry was about him and what I felt for him. He already published one novel before and he constantly kept saying he'd help me out and bring my writing to other agents and friends he knew. I was floored by his help. Getting published is so hard and to have someone I thought loved me and wanted me to be successful in the field, I never expected it. I didn't want to use him for that, but he kept offering," he laughs, but there's no joy behind it, "So lucky, right? Then one night, we were at his place in bed. And his wife, who was in England for her doctorate, came home for a surprise visit. It was their anniversary."

"O my god," Kimmon's stunned and can't help but cringe.

"Yea. That night was probably the worst I've ever felt. Everything fell apart so fast when she walked in on us and the truth came out," Copter's hand starts to shake again and Kimmon gently holds it in his hand, to which Copter looks back up at him gratefully.

"He never wore a ring and that's when I found out he was already in a relationship with her when we first started dating all those years ago. She went to a different university, so that's why not a lot of people at my school knew about them. At least nobody in the writing club did. But she knew about us apparently and forgave him since he said it wasn't serious. That I was the one to pursue him. He was that charming I'm telling you," he laughs hollowly, "But they were on the edge of divorce when our affair started and it was the last straw. I didn't know what else to do, so I left my position as his teacher assistant. I was so scared that I would get in trouble with the university since I willingly slept with him."

"Copter..."

"But his wife reported him to the school for having an affair with a student and he got fired. Turns out he had a brief fling with another student during our affair. Who knows how many others."

Any other time, Kimmon would react a bit more loudly at the gall of this professor, but the look on Copter's face gives him pause; it's clear how ashamed he feels.

"This wasn't your fault. He was your teacher and he shouldn't have pursued you like that."

"I know. My sisters told me it wasn't my fault and that I was manipulated by him, but..." Copter shrugs, "I can't help but feel stupid for being taken in like that. It was one thing to be infatuated with him at 18, but at 22, I should've known better. It's why my mom came down here to live with me, she wanted to watch over me and make sure I didn't stray out of line."

"Did you ever see him again?"

"No. Not until a year and a half later when I was walking home from the bakery and saw a giant poster of his face staring down at me from the front of my favorite bookstore. It shocked me and that's when I tried calling him to get some answers when I realized it was about us. He hung up on me," Copter picks at the napkin in front of him, "What else has Tee said about the book to you?"

"To be honest. I kind of tuned him out when he went on his rants about it."

Copter chuckles, "Somehow I'm not surprised. But promise not to fall asleep on me when I tell you."

"Of course I wouldn't."

In a mocking voice, Copter continues, " _My Brown Haired Lover_ , is about a handsome literature professor who gets lured in by his beguiling student. A student with brown hair and charming, enticing dimples which drew him in when the professor first laid eyes on him in class. He tries his best to resist because of his crumbling marriage, but the student persists in his seduction and they fall into a passionate love affair. Of course, this student wholly used the professor's body, mind and his connections to the literary world. But when the professor tries to break it off, the student ruins his life even further as they fall further into their lurid affair. And of course, like a typical melodramatic drama, the student commits suicide in the professor's place as some kind of love oath."

Kimmon makes a face, "I don't even know what to say. Glad I didn't read it."

"I was surprised at the reception it got though. I guess a gay love affair story written by a man has more literary weight or something."

Kimmon snorts.

"My sisters were so angry when the book was getting popular and after it won a major literary award, they wanted to tell the press about what an awful person he was. But then that would have pushed me into the limelight and that was the opposite of what I wanted. It's why I dyed my hair this color."

Kimmon's taken aback, "You dyed your hair because of him?"

"I may have gotten paranoid. He described me well in the book and sure, there's a ton of people in this country with brown hair and dimples and even though he presented it as a fiction and pretended I didn't exist, it scared me. So," Copter waves a hand around his light hair, "I went the opposite of brown."

"I mean. But the person in the book wasn't you," Kimmon tries to figure out a way to comfort him, "It's not an accurate representation at all! You're alive for one. And sure, your dimples are cute but I wouldn't say they're, you know, _seductive._ "

Copter's trying not to laugh again, "O wow. Such flattery from someone who hasn't read the book.."

"I'm trying here," Kimmon says wryly.

"Thanks," Copter sighs, "Well aside from how he physically described me, he talked about my habits and my background in detail. You know, like what my father did for a living, that I grew up in a wealthy home, how I had two older sisters and that I was the spoiled child of the family. He described me as naive and ignorant to the world because of how sheltered I was. And somehow that translated into my poetry writing as vapid and a vacant imitation of other better poets, thinking I could do anything because I got everything I wanted in life, when really I was a poor excuse of a poet," he tries to smile, but his eyes are teary as he tries to control them.

Kimmon bites his bottom lip, "First, don't listen to him. He's a manipulative asshole for one," Copter huffs out a watery laugh, "No really. He's a loser."

"He won many awards and praise from critics."

"Well," Kimmon frowns at that, "That doesn't make him any less of a dick. It sounds like he tried to pin the blame only on you and wrote this to feel better about himself when he ruined his marriage and university career because he couldn't keep it in his pants. He lost everything and is now exploiting a terrible thing he did for money. So, he's a bitter loser," Kimmon retorts, "It's not like you were really using him for his connections either were you?"

"No," Copter shakes his head, "He kept pushing it on me and I went along with it, sharing my poetry with him because he wanted his friends to see. Now that I think about it, he never reacted to any of them. He just-- he'd say how amazing and brilliant I was, but looking back some of my poetry was tripe and ridiculous. He was probably making fun of me with his friends."

"I thought the ones I read were lovely, if that helps."

"Maybe a little."

"To be fair, you've heard how dismal my writing is."

"Don't put yourself down like that. They're not _that_ terrible. You had your own way of conveying your heartbreak," Copter says chuckling. They're interrupted by the server coming with their food, which surprises Kimmon. He had been so involved in Copter's story he had forgotten where they were. After they settle into their food in a companionable silence, Copter speaks up again, twirling his fork through his plate of noodles.

"I really loved him," Copter says quietly, "It's hard to be gay already and finding someone to connect to so easily is rarer. I even wanted him to meet my family and it would've been something since my father had a hard time with my coming out. Now every time I attempt to write poetry, I see his face because most of what I wrote was about him and I'm haunted when I think of how he described my writing. Even though he was terrible to me, he's still a talented writer and what if he's right about me and my writing?"

"Hmm. I'd say a perfect way to get back at him for the bullshit he said about you, is to write this amazing song with yours truly and shove it in his face when it becomes a hit."

"I don't think he really listens to pop music," Copter mumbles, "He probably wouldn't care."

"Ah bap bap!" Kimmon wags a finger at him, "Remember what you said earlier? Songs are poetry with music. I can guarantee you that more people are more moved by pop songs than whatever Mr. Loser has written. So fuck him and his melodramatics."

Copter laughs, breaking the seriousness of the atmosphere between them, his dimples deep and his eyes light up and Kimmon can't stop staring, "You know, I think this is the first time I've ever laughed about this whole thing. I was usually a sobbing mess when I talked to my sisters about him."

"Um..." Kimmon says, feeling contrite, "I didn't mean to be not serious about it."

"I know. You like to cheer people up," Copter says, "My sisters are your fans remember? They told me a lot about you ever since they saw you at the mall."

"O yea."

"Sorry, that was a weird thing to say. Me knowing more about you than you knowing me."

"Well," Kimmon leans his chin against his hand as he looks at Copter, "I think I've learnt a lot about you today more than I expected. You're a kind person Copter and I'm glad I met you."

Copter smiles back at him shyly, his eyes shining.


	8. Chapter 8

The talk they had at lunch seems to spur something in Copter because in the middle of talking about an alien documentary he had been in the middle of watching, Copter suddenly stops mid sentence.

"Copter?" Kimmon takes a sip of his water, staring at him curiously.

Copter's staring off into space, his fingers moving in the air as if typing something and suddenly stands up, his chair scratching loudly against the floors, "We gotta go back!" then he runs out of the restaurant before Kimmon can even pay, "The  _ fuck _ ," he mutters to himself as he scrambles around his pants to find his wallet.

By the time he catches up to Copter, Copter's waiting outside of his apartment building, realizing he didn't have a way in. He has an impatient look on his face as Kimmon staggers up to him, heaving in and out his breath.

Kimmon desperately needs to work on his cardio.

"You need to learn to be patient," Kimmon pants out from the run.

"Got it," Copter snaps his fingers at Kimmon, "Let's get inside, come on come on come  _ on _ . I don't want the inspiration to leave my head!"

"Give-- give me a sec," and suddenly he feels Copter's hand in his back pocket, " _ Copter! _ " he grabs onto Copter's hand from going further.

"Sorry, holy shit," Copter has a shocked look on his face, "I didn't mean to do that."

Kimmon rolls his eyes, " _ Patience _ , Copter," and walks into the building, sending a greeting to the doorman behind the reception desk.

He doesn't realize until they're in the elevator, that he's still holding Copter's hand. And well, shit, it'd be awkward to just let go, so he keeps holding onto it as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

\--

"I think the melody for the chorus should sound more encouraging," Copter yells from the kitchen where he's making tea for the both of them.

"What? This doesn't sound like that to you?"

"Not really. It sounds sad," Copter shouts, "I think something more hopeful, but I don't know what that would sound like."

Kimmon frowns, playing around with the notes for the chorus and changes the key. He hears a noise of approval from Copter, who comes out with two mugs. There's an excited look on his face as he's pointing a finger at Kimmon, "That! I like that much better."

"Hmm alright, I'll make note of it," Kimmon says. Copter places a mug on the small table next to Kimmon and sits down in front of the keyboard.

They had spent most of the evening finishing up the verses and fixing the chorus until Kimmon felt it was a complete song and that there wasn't much to do with it other than making sure the composition sounded right. Copter had disagreed still wanting to fix the lyrics.

Kimmon's phone rings and he glances at it to see Tee's dorky selfie on screen, "O let me take this-- Sup?" he greets as he stands up walking towards the kitchen.

"I couldn't wait any longer, " Tee says.

"Shouldn't you be asleep, it's late."

"Not when your career is on the line!" Tee exclaims, "I'm pretty sure I've lost weight this week from how anxious I've been. How's the song writing going, you guys making good progress? Has he been amazing as you hoped for?"

"I think we'll start recording in a couple of hours! I'm finalizing the composition right now but the lyrics are mostly done. He still wants to fix some things though."

Kimmon hears Tee let out a sigh of relief.

"O thank god. Bas' manager had called me this morning and was saying he wanted the song to be sent earlier tomorrow than the midnight deadline that was originally set. Something about Bas having to travel to Singapore for some event, so they want to make the decision with the record company before he goes."

"...Tee  _ why _ would you tell me this on the day of?"

"I wanted to stay away as much as possible so you could concentrate and not be distracted by my worried ramblings because a lot of your career is riding on getting this song to Bas and into the public sphere and I want you to succeed so much but I believed that you would finish it in time anyways and I'm sorry for waiting so long till the last minute please forgive me I love you?" Tee's voice slowly rises as he keeps going, ending his monologue in a question.

Kimmon sighs and rubs his forehead, "It's fine. At least we're almost done. I think the recording should be done by the morning and I'll send it to you as soon as possible. When does he want it by?"

"Alright. I'll wait for it in the morning. He said before noon is good. And I'll see you on Saturday, don't forget you have another gig!"

"Again, Tee,  _ why _ would you tell me this last minute?" Kimmon asks exasperatedly.

"Bye! Sorry, can't hear you!" and Tee ends the call.

\--

Kimmon spends the next couple of hours cooped up in the small recording studio of his apartment, recording the background music to the song. It's not the most professional of studios, but he had set up a simple one back when he first moved to the apartment. It hasn't really been used much till today and Kimmon feels almost rejuvenated as he's strumming his bass guitar or playing the keyboard while recording. He hasn't done this in so long and a part of him wonders why he stopped. It's like he's in a dreamy haze, feeling his way through the notes and harmonies in his head that used to easily come to him as he writes the arrangement.

He's working on overlaying the music, letting it play through the speakers when Copter walks in, "I've fixed a few words and rewrote everything again," he declares, waving a sheet of paper towards Kimmon.

"O, that's great!" Kimmon glances at it, seeing that Copter's marked the verses and chorus in his neat handwriting. Copter's bobbing his head to the music that's still playing, "Hey this sounds pretty good," he says in awe.

"Yea?"

"Yea! It's going to sound amazing when everything's done."

"Glad you like it," Kimmon puts the mic stand in front of Copter with a heavy thunk, "Because now we sing."

"Wait, hold on man," Copter steps back a bit and looks at Kimmon warily, "What are you saying?"

"This is a duet," Kimmon says, a little confused at Copter's behavior, "And there's only two of us standing here."

"Ha. No. Nope," Copter's shaking his head, laughing as if he thinks Kimmon's kidding.

"Copter."

"I thought you were going to sing it."

"I mean I could, but I think it'd help Bas hear what it sounds like as a duet since that's what he wanted."

"I don't sing."

"A few days ago you told me you didn't write and here we have," Kimmon waves the paper with the lyrics neatly written on it, "Something wonderful you wrote. Please,  _ please _ just for once cooperate with me here or else I will beg on my knees and I don't think you want to see that. I can be pretty dramatic, Tee has said."

"Um..." Copter bites his bottom lip, unsure.

Kimmon holds out a pair of headphones in front of Copter, "Please?  _ Please _ ?" he widens his eyes, blinking them slowly and softens his voice, hoping that it would change Copter's mind. He pouts his mouth.

"I..." Copter falters and sighs, giving in, "Ok, fine," he grabs onto them loosely and puts it on, "But don't get upset if I sound like a wailing cat and ruin the song that Bas doesn't want it anymore," his eyes widen and he cover his mouth with his hands in disbelief, "O  _ god _ . Bas is going to hear this song and hear me sing."

Kimmon shakes his head and hands Copter the lyric sheet, "You'll be fine, you have a nice speaking voice," he points around the sheet that Copter had written earlier, "You'll be singing Bas' lines and obviously the chorus is both of us. Got it?" he asks.

"Yea..." Copter says, staring at the sheet uneasily. Kimmon pats his shoulder.

"You're going to be fine. Remember, you wrote this song, it'll come naturally to you. We've already gone over this hundreds of times," Kimmon walks the few feet to his laptop and clicks play, "How's the volume?"

"Good!" Copter yells and Kimmon jumps, not expecting such loudness to come from him. Kimmon motions with his hands to Copter, indicating to him to lower his voice and Copter nods, "Sorry," he says a bit quieter, "It sounds great though," he smiles, giving a thumbs up in Kimmon's direction, as he bobs his head to the melody.

Kimmon smiles back at him then presses the replay button and puts on his own headphones as the opening notes softly play into his ears. He stands next to Copter, "Ok this is Don't Let it Break your Heart, take one," he says into the mic.

"I think I'm gonna hurl," Copter mutters as he holds the lyric sheet in front of him, his tight grip wrinkling the side of it.

"You're aware that was recorded right?"

"O  _ god _ ."

The piano melody picks up and Kimmon nudges at Copter to start. He frowns when he hears nothing and looks over at Copter, about to scold him for missing his cue when he realizes that Copter is whispering into the mic. Sighing, Kimmon pauses the track, "Copter, hey. Good try, but let's redo that again. This time sing it a little louder since this song is intended for humans."

"O. Sorry, my bad," Copter says abashed.

"It's ok," Kimmon sends him an encouraging smile, hoping it'd calm Copter's nerves and hovers his finger over the laptop, "Ready?"

Copter nods, holding his hands over the headphones to keep from slipping. Kimmon can't help but smile at the cute picture he makes as he waits for the music to play.

"Alright this is Don't Let it Break your Heart, take two."

The piano fills Kimmon's ears, insulating his head with the notes he had written and he closes his eyes swaying to the music, while waiting for Copter to sing. Kimmon's floored when Copter sings the first verse and whips his head to stare at him.

His voice is shaky from nerves, but it's sweet and clear as he sings into the microphone. He opens his eyes making eye contact with Kimmon and a fluttery feeling settles in his chest as Copter's melodic voice sings into Kimmon's head, reaching deep into his soul.

_ But you're doing better, doing better _

Kimmon nearly misses his cue to sing the refrain when Copter stares back at him with a questioning look and it jolts him into singing quickly, catching up to the notes.

Copter joins him in the chorus, his voice stronger than before as he gains his confidence and the voices meld together.

Kimmon can't help but smile at how well their voices complement each other with how crystal clear Copter's voice is to the softness of Kimmon's.

Copter croons as he continues singing his verse and Kimmon's enchanted watching him, that he misses the first few notes to his refrain. Rather than starting over due to his blunder, Kimmon continues on singing and Copter rejoins him again for the rest of the chorus.

The guitar eventually fades out and they both stare at each other for a few seconds, in silence. Copter's eyes widen as he removes his headphones to rest against his neck.

"Holy shit."

Kimmon snorts and stops the recording, before sending a wide grin over to Copter.

"Holy shit," Copter repeats again and brings his hands to his mouth, letting out a gasp, "I can't believe I just did that."

" I can't believe you said you couldn't sing. Copter your  _ voice _ ."

"Well I didn't know I could!" his hands are shaking from what is clearly adrenaline, "That sounded really good in my head, did it sound good in your head? I didn't imagine that right?"

Kimmon's shaking his head laughing, "It was really good."

"We should sing that again!"

"Yea we should."

Copter's smiling, his laughter light and airy, filling the room with his happiness. As if needing to let out the energy he's feeling, he reaches out to hold onto Kimmon's hands, jumping up and down a little bit. Kimmon can't take his eyes off of Copter and smiles at him, unable to stop the affectionate feeling flowing through him.

"Let's do take three, Copter," he says. Copter nods, hastily putting the headphones back on and he waits by the mic, staring back at Kimmon with an eager look on his face.

"Ready?"

"Yea."

\--

They sing two more takes and after re-listening to both versions twice through, it's the last one that Kimmon decides should be sent over.

"I think this one sounds best, what do you think?" Kimmon asks Copter, who's sitting next to him. Copter had stayed quiet when listening to the recording and he finally looks up at Kimmon, a small smile on his face, "I kind of wish we don't have to give this to Bas."

"Why?"

Copter shrugs, "I feel like it's our song. I wrote this song based on our struggles," he says, "You should put it on your next album if you ever make one."

“Hmm,” Kimmon muses, “You think I could make another album?”

“Yea.”

Kimmon sighs, “It’d be nice to make an album that’s a little more honest.”

Copter nudges his shoulder, “I could help you write it.”

“O um…” Kimmon blinks, not having expected that offer. Feeling suddenly shy at Copter’s earnestness, Kimmon faces his computer again to send the file to Tee, “Um. You know...the song is still ours if you think about it. At least this version is ours."

"It's very personal," Copter says, "I'm nervous at what he'll think of it."

He's looking down at the ground, twisting his fingers together and Kimmon can't help but notice how his lashes flutter on his cheeks and the rosiness of his mouth. His blond strands of hair are mussed up from repeatedly running his hands through it and Kimmon reaches a hand out, moving his stray bangs to the side and Copter looks up at him in surprise, "I think if anything it would make him want the song more."

It's quiet as they stare at each other and Kimmon breaks his gaze, glancing over at the clock. It's late, extremely so, and he doesn't think it'd be right to send Copter home at this hour.

"Hey. You should stay for the night."

"What?" Copter looks at the time, "O crap."

"It's morning pretty much. I'm not comfortable letting you go out at this time of night in the bus and I'm a bit knackered to even drive you back home. I remember your mother mentioning to me that she lived on the other side of the city. Just stay here."

"O...um. Ok."

"Thought you'd put up a protest to be honest," Kimmon teases.

Copter rolls his eyes, "I'm exhausted honestly, you caught me at a weak moment."

"Alright," Kimmon stands, slapping a hand against Copter's shoulder and starts leaving the room, "You're sleeping in my bed tonight."

"Whoa, hold up."

"Ah, I mean," Kimmon's flustered at his blunder. He's usually not this awkward and when he turns around, he notices that Copter's blushing. He can't stop staring at how the flush travels down Copter's neck and under his shirt, "I just meant you sleep in my bed. I'm sleeping on my couch."

"Uh, no," Copter frowns, "I'll sleep on the couch, I'm your guest."

"Exactly, come on. My couch is comfortable anyways and I sleep there more. Come on come on come  _ on _ ," Kimmon coaxes in a teasing voice, pushing Copter off his chair.

"Ugh, fine!" Copter laughs, walking out of the room, "It's that room over at the end of the hallway right?"

"Yea, I'll be back. I want to change the sheets for you."

"Alright."

Copter must have been more tired than he said because when Kimmon comes back into his room, sheets in hand, Copter is sprawled out on his front on the bed like a starfish. His mouth is wide open and his blond hair is splayed across the pillow as he lightly snores. The light from the hallway outside casts a glow on him. There's something precious about the image he presents and a soft, tender feeling settles in Kimmon as he watches him.

It's only been two days since they met and Kimmon feels a little shaken at how quickly they connected. Copter's virtually still a stranger and it's a surprise how well they work together. It took him even longer to connect with his songwriting partner back in SPARK, months even, before they felt they were a solid team. Even though there were a few hiccups in the songwriting process, Copter made it too easy; too easy to open up to him and Copter telling his personal troubles back.

Shaking his head, Kimmon puts the blanket over Copter as carefully as he can, not wanting to disturb him and leaves the room.


	9. Chapter 9

Kimmon wakes up to his phone ringing and he clumsily pats around the ground with his eyes closed until he finds it. He picks it up, to see Tee's selfie on his screen. Kimmon's unable to stop the groan, knowing it'll be about the song that he had sent earlier. He swipes the screen to accept the call, "Hey," he mutters, his voice rough and hoarse. He rubs his eyes, unable to stop the yawn in his greeting.

"Kimmon."

There's a beat of silence.

"What. Tee it's like 7 and I stayed up really late working on the song," he whines and flips to lie on his side, snuggling his head into the pillow.

"It's more like 9," Tee says, "But Kimmon, the song."

"Yea?"

"The song is  _ brilliant _ !" Tee gushes and Kimmon can't help but smile at his enthusiasm, "Kimmon what the fuck, how did you find Copter? He's such a find. And I think your music is your best one yet, so much better than the previous songs you've done before. No offense to your band of course."

"None taken."

"I always knew you had it in you to make music again."

"Really? I know there was some missing percussion but I wanted to get it done as soon--"

"Kimmon," Tee interrupts, "I already love the song, I don't need any more convincing."

Kimmon chuckles and sighs, taking in the quiet of the morning. The sunlight is shining through the white curtains of his apartment and he feels a sense of peace that he hasn't felt in a while.

"How are you?"

"Um..." Kimmon lets out a laugh, not because it's funny but out of not knowing how to react, "That's a weird question to ask Tee."

"Mmm...I know, just," Tee sighs. Kimmon can hear the hesitation in Tee's voice creeping in and that he's gearing up to start his worried rambling, "With this song, so many things could happen for you if Bas takes it. You've been at a standstill in your career for so long, letting it pass by and you were just accepting it. And I know I pushed you into doing this and I'm so glad you took it. I could sense how excited you were about this song last night and listening to it, it felt like the old you that I never had the chance to meet. But if it doesn't work out. If Bas says no, not that I think he will mind you, but in case he does. Will you keep going with songwriting?"

"I'm not..." Kimmon swallows, his throat feeling dry all of the sudden, "I'm not sure where you're going with this."

"I just-- I really worried this week. I know it sounded like it was mainly about the song and I wanted to wait until you finished writing to talk about it, but Kimmon," there's a shuddery breath, "I don't want you to fall back to your old habits again because I know what you're like. And your way of standing by, I'm not letting that happen, I don't want you to give up. I guess I just want to know where your head space is right now," if Tee is in front of him right now, he'd probably be holding onto Kimmon's hands and stare at him with that earnest look in his eyes and Kimmon feels his throat close up. He blinks away the hazy vision of the ceiling.

Kimmon thinks that feeling of guilt that he carries with him will never go away. Doesn't think he can ever apologize enough, no matter how much he tries to make up for it.

He clears his throat.

"I don't know," he says honestly, rubbing the rough patch of hair that's been growing on his face, "I'm not sure what I'd do if Bas turns the song down."

There's a sigh, "Ok."

"A part of me worries since Copter wrote the majority of the words in this song. It's more his song than mine really," he murmurs, "But he made me feel like how I used to feel when I wrote music back then with...you know. But even better? Like less tension. It's this connection I felt that I had to work on for months before with him, but with Copter it's so effortless. I don't know-- I actually don't know if I would be able to work without him."

Kimmon didn't realize he had felt this way, but saying it out loud, he realizes how true it is.

Tee makes a surprised sound, "Really."

"Yea,"

"Do you think it may be because you two were in isolation for long hours these past couple of days?" Tee asks.

"I mean, maybe?" Kimmon huffs out a laugh, "But when I think about my songwriting process before, I've been stuck with people for hours too and it never felt like this. It's crazy how easy he made the process seem just by us talking. I um...I told him about her, you know."

"O. Whoa."

"I know. I don't know how it happened. He even told me things about himself that he hasn't talked about with anyone other than his sisters, We're strangers and yet, I don't know how this happened," Kimmon rakes his hand through his hair and lets out a forlorn sigh, "How long did it take me to open up to you?"

"Hmm, about two years give or take."

"It scares the shit out of me," Kimmon murmurs, "I don't want to go through that again. Opening up to someone and everything falling to shit, another person leaving."

"Kimmon, not everyone you meet stays in your life forever, but don't let it prevent you from opening up to people. If it's any consolation though, I'd never leave you. You're stuck with me, ok?"

A bubble of laughter bursts out of Kimmon and he hears Tee laugh along with him, "Ok."

"You feel better?"

"A little," he curls in on himself, "I'm sorry I've been a pain Tee. It's not a promise, but I don't think I'll fall back into my old habits."

"That's all I ask for," Tee says, "Ah! So aside from wanting to talk about how amazing the song is, there's another reason why I called. Earth contacted me before I called you."

"Wait did they already hear it, what did they say?" Kimmon sits up, his heart beating faster and it feels like it's falling out of his ass.

"No, I didn't send it over yet. But..." Tee drags the word out, "Bas actually wants to webcam with you."

"What,  _ why _ ? Can't we just email the song to him? I thought he was busy," Kimmon finds he's a bit annoyed at the constant change, but he's dealt with worse in his career before with fickle producers and singers.

"I dunno! He's kind of an oddball."

Kimmon sighs, rubbing his temple, "Well, did he set a time?"

"Yea, he said 11. Is that fine? I'm emailing him your contact details right now."

  1. That's not very long from now and all Kimmon wants to do is cuddle in his couch and sleep.



"Yea 11's fine."

They both say their goodbyes and Kimmon hangs up, wondering if he should wake up Copter, but he figures it's as good of a time as any other. He trudges along down the hall to his room, opening the door just a crack. Copter's curled up under the blanket and Kimmon notices that he had taken off his outer clothes and they're strewn across the ground. He walks in and gingerly sits on the edge of his bed.

Copter looks adorable to say the least and Kimmon can't help but smile at how his blond hair is mussed up against the pillow. He looks like a grumpy kitten and there's a perpetual frown on his face as he's deep in slumber. Part of Kimmon wants to smooth out the slight wrinkle between his eyebrows. Instead, he reaches out to shake Copter's shoulder as light as possible. He continues to stay sleeping, smacking his mouth instead and curling in even further.

Kimmon coos and starts to shake Copter's shoulder a bit more aggressively than usual, which seems to do the trick. He slowly opens his eyes, "Mmm...wha-?" looking a little startled and jerks back a little, "Kimmon," his voice flat.

"Good morning!" Kimmon greets and leans his chin against his hand, " Did you have a good sleep?"

Copter looks a little put out at having been woken up and he blinks, "What time is it?"

"Not sure, but I know it's over nine."

"Ugh I've only slept like five hours."

"Well..." Kimmon climbs up further to sit next to Copter and flips around. He puts his hands behind his head, laying against his plush pillows, "Bas wants to webcam with me at 11 and I want you there. That cool with you?"

"Bas?" Copter has an excited look on his, all traces of tiredness wiped away. Kimmon can't help but think how cute he is.

"Yea."

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude."

Kimmon smiles, "You're the lyricist, I think you have as much of a right to be there. Besides I know you're a fan, I know you want to meet him," he teases, poking at Copter's shoulder.

He's hit in the face with a pillow.

\--

Kimmon and Copter are sitting on his couch, his laptop sitting in front of them and his webcam open and ready, just waiting for the call to come in from Bas.

He kind of wants to barf and the knot in his stomach won't disappear. And from the look on Copter's face, he's nervous too.

"Hey don't worry," Kimmon says, all bravado, "He'll go for it. For sure."

"You think?"

His laptop suddenly rings and they both jump staring at the screen, then staring at each other.

"What are you doing?" Copter exclaims, "Go answer it!"

"I...I..." Kimmon thinks he's about to panic. Shaking his head, Copter reaches forward, swiping the mouse over to the accept button and clicks.

Bas and Earth's face appear on the screen and they all greet each other, one half a little more nervous than the other. Bas has a calm smile on his face as he looks at them, "Kimmon. I've been very excited to hear what you wrote for me," he glances at Copter, "And you must be the one who helped Kimmon with the song."

"This is Copter, he's the lyricist," Kimmon says.

"I uh...y-yea I am," Copter's clearly starstruck. He looks like he's about to faint, "I'm a huge fan of yours and it's an honor to write a song for you," and Kimmon can't help but let out a small chuckle at how flustered Copter is getting around his celebrity crush. Copter nudges Kimmon's shoulder and leans in, "Don't embarrass me," he mutters and Kimmon snorts.

"Ah, so could you send the file over to us?" Earth asks politely, interrupting them.

"O Yea! Yea sure of course, I'm sorry about that," Kimmon sends it over the encrypted chat and watches its upload progress, nervously staring as the percentage increases. He almost wants to reach over to cancel it, but soon it reaches 100% and that's it. He can't take it back.

"Did you get it ok?" he asks, "It's just a rough draft obviously. We recorded it here in my apartment so it might not sound like a very professional production, but I hope it's alright."

"It's fine," Earth says. Kimmon sees him grab a pair of headphones that are connected into the laptop and gives it to Bas.

"O-- _ O _ you're going to listen to it right now? In front of us?"

"Thank you," Bas murmurs to Earth and looks up at Kimmon, smiling sweetly at him.

It's weird sitting there in silence, watching for Bas' reaction to the song. He has no emotions on his face as the song plays and for a moment, Kimmon worries that maybe the song isn't even playing. But he realizes, maybe Bas doesn't emote at all. He wonders if this is why Bas wanted to webcam with Kimmon rather than just have the song be emailed; to torture Kimmon for the next three and a half minutes.

He glances over at Copter and without thinking, he reaches out to hold his hand. Copter's startled, so focused on staring at Bas and he stares down at Kimmon's hand before he squeezes it back comfortingly and sending him a small dimpled smile.

It's over when Bas removes the headphones and he looks back at them calm as ever, no change in his expression.

It's unnerving.

"Well? What did you think of it?"

"I'll have to discuss my options with the producers, but," he smiles wide. It lights up his whole face and Kimmon could see the appeal, "I loved it Kimmon. I think this is the one. This is the one I've been looking for. I want this to be my next single."

Kimmon's mouth drops and he hears an exhale from Copter. He's pretty sure his stomach just turned inside out, "Really?"

Bas nods, "I love it. I love how it encompasses all kinds of struggle and pain. It'll speak to my fans," he looks at Copter, "You're very talented with your writing."

"Th-thank you," Copter says shyly.

"I knew you could do it Kimmon, that I was right to believe in you," Bas says.

"Ah," Earth interrupts, waving at the camera to get their attention, "So we'll discuss more about the details next week, ok guys? And I'll call your manager to let you know if anything's changed but Bas seems to really want this song," he smiles, "Congratulations you two."

"Thank you,  _ thank you _ so much," Kimmon says, attempting to keep his enthusiasm at bay. Bas and Earth say their quiet goodbyes, a contrast to how Kimmon and Copter say theirs and the screen turns black.

Kimmon stands up and lets out a whoop of joy. He runs around the room a bit to let out the adrenaline rushing through him and turns towards Copter, who can't seem to stop laughing from where he's still sitting.

"O my god. O my  _ god. _ We did it," he bends down and envelopes Copter in a tight hug, bringing him up to stand with him, "This is all thanks to you," he says fervently into Copter's ear, "Without your writing..."

"No no," Copter whispers and wraps his arms tight around Kimmon. He rests his chin against Kimmon's shoulder, "Your music was so lovely, it brought my lyrics to life. It was you too."

"Fine, it was both of us but," Kimmon pulls back and looks at Copter, "I knew you had it in you and you delivered so much more."

Kimmon's unable to stop touching him. He brings his hands up along the length of Copter's neck and his jaw before settling them against his face, thumbs tenderly stroking the smooth skin of his cheeks. Kimmon can feel the heat of the blush that's on his face against his fingertips. Copter's eyes flutter and he inhales a breath.

Then they're kissing. Kimmon's not sure who went first, but it doesn't matter. Not when Copter's kissing him back in eagerness and carding his fingers through Kimmon's hair. He opens his mouth when he feels Copter's tongue licking against his lips and it's heated, kissing until they're dizzy with it.

"O..." Copter breathes into Kimmon's mouth and pulls back; staring up at him with wide eyes and his mouth a little wet, a little red. Kimmon's speechless at how angelic Copter looks, his blond hair a little messed up, like a halo around him. Copter leans back in to kiss him again and it's beautiful how he's pressed up against Kimmon, letting himself be held and Kimmon swallows the gasp that Copter pants out when they fall against the couch.

Kimmon settles on top of him, their hips grinding against each other and the heat builds and builds between them as he licks hotly into Copter's mouth. It hits Kimmon how fast this is going, it's way too fast, and he breaks it off, leaning his forehead against Copter's. He can feel Copter's heated breath on him and he reaches up with a shaky hand to comb his fingers through Copter's silky hair.

"Um..."

Kimmon swallows and closes his eyes, trying to take everything in, "I'm sorry, I got carried away," He's shocked at his own behavior. It took him a month when he dated his girlfriend before he made a move and this was the complete opposite of that and even then, it had been incredibly awkward as teenagers are wont to be. He opens his eyes to see Copter staring back at him, his eyes glossy looking and his eyelashes long as he blinks at a slow rate. Kimmon leans back a little, but Copter grips on his shoulders tightly, preventing him from moving too far.

"It's fine," and he presses a light kiss against Kimmon's bottom lip, "But I have to go home soon," Copter murmurs against Kimmon's mouth, "Haven't seen my mom since yesterday morning. She worries."

"Ok."

But Copter can't seem to stop kissing Kimmon and Kimmon can't stop either. The soft sounds coming out of Copter's mouth are addicting. The heated kisses eventually turn languid and Kimmon moves his mouth away to kiss his dimples and he nuzzles Copter's face, both of them unable to stop their giggling.

"Um...So I have a gig tomorrow. According to Tee," Kimmon says, shyness taking over, "I'm not sure where it is but uh...if you want--"

"Sure," Copter interrupts, curling his hand around Kimmon's jaw to look at him, "Send me the details later."

"Yea?"

Copter smiles. It's blinding and Kimmon can't stop touching the deepening dimple, "Yea."

\--

Kimmon feels like a teenager again.

He's giddy and as he walks towards the tea shop to treat himself, all he wants to do is skip along the sidewalk or hug the strangers walking by him. He had called Tee right after Copter left the apartment and the joyous scream Tee let out through the phone speaker reflected what he was feeling inside. He called his family right after and their excitement for him reminded him of their continuous support during his bad times. Kimmon may or may not have cried afterwards.

There isn't a lot that could bring him down with how well everything has gone today.

Then there's Copter. Copter, Copter, Copter. Kimmon didn't have an issue that Copter was a man really, he had his share of a few male encounters before. He doesn't think he  _ loves _ Copter yet, that's too soon for that. But the content feeling he has around him is something he doesn't want to go away. He knows though, that he's attracted to Copter's mind and how beautiful it is.

It's as he's distracted by his own thoughts of Copter that he passes by a bookstore and sees a large banner advertising  _ My Brown Haired Lover  _ in the window display along with stacks of the novel. Kimmon notices next to it a sign that says "Coming out soon in theaters." He scowls at it, hating how this story is being profited and sensationalized at Copter's expense despite it being sold as a fiction book, so it's not like anybody knows.

Still.

Something compels him to go in the store and before he knows it, he walks in heading straight for the display, ignoring the greeting coming from one of the shop employees. Kimmon picks up one of the stacked books and stares at the cover. He's never looked at it up close before despite Tee carrying the novel with him everywhere. It's simple, a blurry photo or drawing of two naked bodies intertwined in passion with the title on it. He holds the book between his hands, wondering if he should crack it open to read the first few pages.

"That's a good one," a voice says to his right. He jumps in surprise, "O I'm sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you. Just wanted to know if you needed help, but I do recommend that one. It's amazing," the young woman says and it's clear she works in the book shop. She fiddles with her apron strings as Kimmon keeps staring in silence.

"What did you like about it?" he asks curiously.

"O um _ w-well _ . Aside from how beautifully written it is, it's one of the most romantic books I've read. It's different from other books in that genre."

"Romantic like how?"

"You know," she waves a hand towards the novel in his hand," if you read the blurb, you'd know it's between a married professor and his student. It has that forbidden quality to it, but on top of that it's between two men, so it makes it even better," she sighs, "They're unable to stay away from each other and even when the professor tries to stop it, the love from his student is so overwhelming and powerful. And oh! It's so beautiful how the ending was written," she's effusive at this point, "I don't want to spoil it too much of course, but definitely read this book if you ever want to know what true love feels like."

"Hmm alright, I'll think about it. Thank you," he says in a terse tone, hoping she'd leave and not talk more about the book.

"No problem! I'll be at the register if you need any help!" she says perkily and leaves.

Kimmon rolls his eyes and stares down at the book. He's not sure what makes the ending so beautiful when Copter's character kills himself; how could anyone call it romantic when the novel seems to equate being gay to a tragedy. How could anyone call this a book on true love when it's clearly about a toxic relationship?

The weight of the book sits heavy in his hand.

He should put it down, walk away and go to the tea shop like he originally planned. What he shouldn't do is think of buying the book because it almost seems like an invasion of privacy. Copter told him enough of the book to make him feel angry at this man for packaging and selling Copter's pain in these pages and into a movie. He's filled with thoughts of Copter's smile and how earnestly he looked at Kimmon as he spilled his secrets. His glassy eyes when talking about his insecurity as a poet. How his hair felt under Kimmon's hand and his lips under his mouth, the kiss of it still lingering. How lovely he is.

But the comments from that woman won't stop nagging at him. And there's a thought that roots itself in his mind, that he should read it and prove this man wrong. That he  _ should _ read it and prove that this man got everything about Copter wrong. Wants to pick at every word and description of Copter and pull it apart to reveal how little he knew of him.

Five minutes later, he walks out of the bookstore with the book in a plastic bag.


	10. Chapter 10

Kimmon's half listening to Tee's rambling as he stares outside the window, watching the buildings and pedestrians pass by.

He had stayed up late into the night reading  _ My Brown Haired Lover _ , which he still hadn't finished, and ended up getting about three hours of sleep. When he walked into the car earlier, Tee had remarked how pronounced his dark circles looked under his eye and asked if he had been partying it up hard. Kimmon retorted how he hadn't partied since his early 20s and shut down the conversation.

Kimmon isn't planning on telling Tee about his recent literary adventure. He did  _ not _ need to hear more opinions on how romantic it is, brilliant writing aside.

"Earth called me last night about scheduling you to come in next week to start the recording process with Bas. I told him Wednesday would be fine, which is the earliest for Bas anyways."

"Uh huh."

"He also mentioned that they want to do a live stream of the song along with a few others to introduce the album to his fans. I think it's supposed to be like a gift for them since it's been three years since he entered the industry. He hasn't scheduled it yet but I'm guessing it'd be before he starts his Asia tour."

"Kay."

"Also I went on a date with Sean last night and he boned me pretty hard. I'll probably ask him to be my boyfriend."

"Mm that's nice."

"Kimmon," Tee says sharply and shoves a light hand against Kimmon's arm, "What the  _ fuck _ is going on, you know I hate Sean!"

"Shit, sorry. I'm just a little tired," he rubs his face a bit before turning to Tee, a wide smile on his face, "I'm fine though."

Tee squints at him as if hoping all of Kimmon's secrets will spill out, "Tell me what's happening. Are you nervous at how the song will be received? Because I don't think that's going to be an issue. If it's about your future, don't worry I've been in contact with some casting directors and..."

His voice fades out as Kimmon chews on his bottom lip, thinking of what to say to him. Tee's been his confidant for a while over the years and Kimmon'd be remissed if he doesn't say anything. If anyone would be unable to unpack Kimmon's scrambled thoughts, it'd be Tee. He decides to bite the bullet, "Copter and I kissed yesterday," he blurts out, cutting off Tee's meandering speech and shutting him right up. Well, he didn't expect to just spit it out like that. He wanted to softball it, but things never go the way you want to and your mouth just moves on faster than your brain.

" _ What _ ?" Tee's eyes widen and he eyes the driver. Kimmon's not worried about him; he tends to keep quiet about most things and waves a hand lazily, signalling Tee not to worry.

"Yea," he clears his throat, "Right. I didn't tell you. Copter was there when I was talking to Bas and he stayed over for the night."

"Ok..." Tee says. Kimmon could see him thinking, "I'm assuming it's because of how late you were working on the song. But explain more."

"Yea so..." Kimmon whistles, "We kissed after Bas said he wanted the song. Well I did," he tilts his head as he thinks about how soft Copter's hair felt under his fingers, "Or he did?"

"I didn't know you liked men," there's a plaintive tone to Tee's voice.

"I'm not having some kind of crisis if that's what you're worried about. I've been with men before you know."

Well  _ now _ I know," Tee looks hurt and pushes Kimmon's shoulder lightly, "You've never said."

Kimmon shrugs, unsure of what to say, "I didn't see the need to. I don't-- I don't want to make it a big deal," he doesn't think he should apologize for not saying anything about his sexuality, but a part of him feels slightly remorseful at how Tee looks. He's about to say sorry, but Tee sighs instead.

"Ok fine. We're going to talk more about that later. But back to Copter," Tee leans forward a bit, "Is this why you want to continue working with him?"

"No!" Kimmon sits up straighter, "He's brilliant and the easiest songwriter I've worked with, that's why I want to keep collaborating with him."

Tee has a contemplative look on his face, "Are you-- do you like him like that?"

"Um. I'm fond of him," Kimmon twists his mouth, feeling a little nervous all of the sudden, "I think."

"You think," Tee looks unimpressed.

Kimmon picks at the thread on his ripped jeans, avoiding Tee's scrutinizing gaze, "It's been a long time since I've been interested in anybody. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with him. I don't-- I don't even know if he wants one with me. That's too soon to say. And even if everything's happening fast, I know I like being around him a lot. He's just...different from other people I've gone out with since my breakup with her," Kimmon raises his head to look at Tee, "It's like he sees me. Really sees me and not for what I am like some novelty for being in this old popular band. And you're the only other person outside my family who's made me feel like that."

There's a small smile on Tee's face and if he isn't wearing his seat belt, Kimmon is positive Tee would reach over to hug him and cry, "I've never seen you talk about anyone like this before."

Kimmon shrugs and looks outside the window.

\--

Kimmon and Tee come across Copter and his sisters sitting on a bench near the entrance of the amusement park; the three of them are inhaling pink cotton candy, talking to each other in an excited manner. More like his sisters are, while Copter sits between them eating his cotton candy and tuning both of them out as he stares straight ahead. Kimmon's amused at the blank expression on his face and waves at him as he walks nearer.

Copter notices the two of them approaching and his face lights up; his smile transforms his face completely and Kimmon can't help but smile back at him. Tee huffs out a laugh, muttering something about the "gooey expression" on Kimmon's face and Kimmon playfully pushes him to quiet as they watch Copter leap away from the bench before turning around to tell his sisters to stay put. They could faintly hear him say, "Don't embarrass me for the love of  _ god _ ."

"Hey man," Kimmon says as he walks up behind him. He hears Copter's sisters squealing in excitement, but the noises around him fades out when Copter turns to face him and their eyes meet.

He wants to hug Copter or kiss him, but that wouldn't be appropriate out in public so he refrains himself from doing anything and hopes that his casual greeting and smile is enough to get what he's feeling across. There's a fluttery feeling inside of him, making him want to float away and he feels exhilarated when Copter's dimples deepen as he greets Kimmon back. His hair under the warm sun glows, making him look more ethereal than he was in Kimmon's apartment. Kimmon has so much to say to him, but he doesn't even know where to begin. All he can think though is how Copter's ex described his smile and its effect so accurately.

Kimmon has no idea why he's being so awkward about this. His tongue is all tied up and it's like he reverted back to his teenage self, when he was so skinny and nerdy that the only way to overcome that was by being the loud class clown. Except here, being loud wouldn't do it when he's an adult.

While thinking of what to say, Copter shoves his cotton candy stick towards Kimmon's face, breaking his thoughts and surprising him, "You uh...you want some?"

"O no, I need to save my voice for later. Can't eat sweets before then."

"You ready for today?" Copter asks, ripping a chunk of the cotton candy cloud and chewing on it. He looks like a chipmunk as he eats it and Kimmon is very endeared; he wants to pinch his cheeks but he refrains. Kimmon shrugs nonchalantly, playing it cool, "It'll be fine. I've done this show every year."

"Um...ok," Copter looks down, his eyelashes sweeping down. Kimmon sees his grin melting away into a timid smile, "How have you been?"

Kimmon can't help but chuckle at how Copter is just as nervous as him, "We just saw each other yesterday! Why are you so shy right now?"

"I don't know! I can't help it," Copter bites his bottom lip as he stares back up at Kimmon, "It's kind of weird and I don't know what to do. I haven't been able to stop thinking about yesterday."

"Me too."

Kimmon hasn't stopped thinking about how Copter felt under him.

"Really?"

He looks so lovely that Kimmon's heart aches at how his eyes reflect the small bit of hope in them. He wants to kiss Copter and taste the pink cotton candy on his lips, thread his soft, blond locks into his hand, "Yea. I'm nervous too, you know. It's not just you."

"What, with me?" he looks surprised.

"Mmhmm..."

Copter has a hesitant look on his face, "Do you-- uh...maybe lat--"

The two are suddenly bombarded by Copter's sisters, wrapping their arms around Copter, who squawks at the interruption, "Hello Kimmon!" One of the cotton candy wisps lands onto Copter's hair and Kimmon can't help but laugh at how offended he looks.

"You  _ guys _ ! I told you not t--"

"Copter,  _ please _ . You really think your silly threat was going to make us leave you alone? Your ears are so red, I needed to save you," one of them says in a teasing manner and Kimmon laughs, a little bit relieved that the awkwardness dissipated a bit. The other woman pinches Copters cheek and looks back up at Kimmon, with a similar dimpled smile on her face, "Copter still hasn't introduced you to us, which... _ rude _ . We've been fans forever, Copter."

Copter grumbles under the weight of their bodies, nearly buckling under them.

"I'm Natty."

"And I'm View. I'm so looking forward to your show today."

"And I'm Kimmon, hello."

"Ah, thank you for taking care of our brother and working with him. We've been urging him to write again," Natty says, the sincerity clear in her voice, and like a switch turned on, a smirk appears, "Copter here has said  _ a lot _ ," she says with a relish.

"Natty!" Copter exclaims, all mortified, while View cackles into his shoulder. He frees himself away from them, making a loud huffing sound and glares at them.

"Aaand I'm Tee," he says, stepping up right next to Kimmon, "And we need to get moving for the mic check and get you made up before the show," his kind face belying the business-like tone in his voice. The other three are startled by his sudden appearance and Kimmon glances at Copter, "I'll um...I'll see you after?"

Copter nods, a small smile gracing his face, "Yea. We're going to go on some rides before we head over," he says, " You'll do brilliant."

"Yea ok...uh..." Kimmon's not sure why he feels bashful at how sincere Copter's being. This isn't the first time. Is it because of the kiss? It's probably because of the kiss. It's like kissing Copter opened his eyes to a new perspective of Copter and he doesn't know how to handle it. After a few moments of floundering silence, Kimmon hugs him as fast as he can and backs away to see Copter's wide eyes, "I'll see you," he waves goodbye to them as he clumsily backpedals away and turns around, nearly tripping over his feet as he keeps walking.

Holy shit, he hasn't been this awkward and clumsy since he was a teenager. It's like all the grace he obtained over the years went out of the window.

" _ Wow. _ So smooth, " Tee says, sarcasm in his voice. He wraps one arm around Kimmon's shoulders as they walk away, "I'm sure that had him swooning."

Kimmon elbows him.

\--

It's a crowded day at the amusement park and a lot of people are milling around walking by the stage, occasionally stopping to watch a bit of his singing before leaving in disinterest. The sun is shining brightly, but as luck would have it, he's under a shaded awning and doesn't have to suffer. Despite this, he still has his trepidation. To him, performing at this park is sometimes a hit or miss when the stage is at the center of the park's more popular rides and he's just the passing entertainment of the day for the people waiting in line. It's not like performing at a mall, where his fans are able to come by for free to watch him.

Today, it's a bit of a miss.

The people standing in long lines for their rides, eye him from where they stand and he tries his best to tune their bored stares out. There are a few non-fans sitting along the benches that face the stage and most of them are on their phones or talking to each other, completely ignoring him. The set he has for the park show is only about eight songs from SPARK's catalog, all upbeat and peppy, requiring him to bring up the energy of the crowd, even if the majority of them don't seem receptive to it.

It's fine. Totally fine.

He's paid to perform here once a year and even if this affects him mentally, he knows he needs to bring his A game in his performance because there are a handful of fans who willingly came out to watch him and paid the steep amusement park prices for this. Their familiar faces of smiles and encouragement makes today less draining for him. So he shakes it off and beams a brighter smile at his main audience, who he is always grateful for.

Kimmon jumps down from the small stage, high five-ing the fans and nearly drops his microphone from their excitement. Natty and View are in the front, jumping and singing along loudly to the love pop song.

He sees Copter standing behind the crowd, a little further back from them. There's a serene smile on his face as he bops his head along to the music and when their eyes meet, Copter waves at him excitedly, his dimples deepening. Elated, Kimmon waves back at him before sending a wink and turns his attention back to the fans.

At some point later on, he sees Tee sitting next to Copter, the both of them making quiet conversation. Kimmon falters a bit while he talks to the audience, in the middle of recalling the time a spider was on his ceiling; walking in circles above him and he and his brother were too freaked out to do anything about it, but sit on the bed terrified as they tried to figure out how to get it out. The fans don't seem to notice the misstep, too busy laughing about his antics as a child.

Kimmon's confused as to why Tee is out there. He usually stays near the soundboard behind the stage to make sure the music goes as smooth as possible by whatever worker was handling it during his performances. It's rare that Tee'd be away from the stage. He wonders what they're talking about and he hopes Tee isn't saying anything embarrassing about him. If anyone was going to embarrass him it'd be himself, thank you very much.

As the next song starts up, he eyes Copter following Tee as they walk around the crowd. Copter glances back at the same and beams up at Kimmon, pointing a finger towards the back of the stage indicating where he's going and Kimmon nearly misses his cue at how dazzling Copter looks. He brings his focus back towards his fans, aware that he's become distracted.

Some time later he finishes the last song, "It's been a pleasure to have you all here today!" he says, waving to his audience as they cheer and bows gracefully, "Thank you so much. I'm so grateful to all of you."

When he scurries backstage, Tee hands him a water bottle and there's some concern in his eyes, "Are you feeling ok? You still up for doing the encore?"

Of course Tee would notice how mentally drained he's feeling. Kimmon doesn't expect any less, "What do you mean? I'm fine," he mutters, trying to brush it off.

"Well," Tee squeezes Kimmon's shoulder, rubbing it up and down in a soothing pattern, "You seemed more subdued than usual. I know performing here isn't your favorite thing. But I do think you had a pretty good turnout, all things considered."

Kimmon shrugs, wiping the remaining drops on his chin and placing the water bottle on a nearby table, "The group of people who left in the beginning was kind of a kick to my small ego though," he adds wryly, "Can't help but feel like most don't want to hear any SPARK songs to be honest. We're such old news and they don't want those corny pop songs anymore."

"I think you're doing amazing," Copter interrupts and Kimmon turns to see him standing beside him, "Your fans out there are having a lot of fun. I can hear my sisters screaming," he chuckles, "Everyone out there who really matters is enjoying it and I even saw some people in lines singing along."

"Really?" Kimmon asks, a bit skeptical.

"I wouldn't lie about this," Copter says, his eyes sincere and Kimmon can't help but believe him, "They're really having fun out there. Sure there's people who didn't care, but who gives a fuck about them?" Kimmon cracks a smile at his bluntness, "A lot more people enjoyed your show than you realize. I might not know the band's discography much or be your demographic, but the music you wrote makes a lot of people happy and your fans really love you. Your songs are really, really good. And I know you don't think you sing well, but you sounded good out there. I think Tee agrees with me, right?"

"He's right Kimmon," Tee chimes in, leaning his chin against Kimmon's shoulder as he peers up at him.

Kimmon sighs, feeling a little timid and unsure of how to handle Copter's praise. He turns towards Tee, who's smiling at him encouragingly, "I suppose I'll sing 'Pop goes my heart' for my encore."

"Nice," Tee says, giving a quick pat on Kimmon's back and walks towards the amusement park employee who is manning the soundboard.

"Thank you," Kimmon murmurs, reaching over to squeeze Copter's hand to show his appreciation.

Copter shrugs and he's biting his bottom lip as they stare at each other.


	11. Chapter 11

"Hold on hold on hold on hold on," Copter has a hand out, eyes closed as he takes in what Kimmon just said, "No way," he puts his hands up together in front of his mouth, " _ O my god _ ."

Kimmon had been retelling a story of an actor that Copter's a huge fan of. He had met him at a few after parties to some of the award shows that he had bothered going to and finds Copter's reactions to them amusing; shocked at the rather salacious behavior this actor did behind the scenes.

"I swear, pinky promise," he holds his pinky finger out and Copter rolls his eyes, pushing his hand away.

"Your world is very strange," Copter eventually says, leaning back against the bench.

"Well, if you keep to yourself it isn't so bad. And hey, if this song does well, you never know you might end up joining it. You have a very nice singing voice. Way better than mine."

"Not sure if I want that," Copter says wryly, taking a sip of his water, "I'd prefer to be behind the scenes thank you very much. I wouldn't want to lose my privacy as you know."

"You're not wrong there."

Kimmon still thinks Copter should shine though, that everyone should know who he is. But with Copter's reluctance, Kimmon drops it.

They're both still in the amusement park, sitting by the man-made lake that's occupied by people duck pedaling the boats. Natty, View and Tee are somewhere in there, renting out a four person pedal boat, and Copter had taken advantage of it, asking Kimmon if he wanted to hang while the three of them went pedaling.

How could Kimmon say no, with how sincere Copter looked, asking him to be with him?

Kimmon glances over at the ferris wheel that stands behind him, watching the line dwindling.

"You want to go up there with me?" he nods his head towards the ride.

Copter looks at it and snorts, "I didn't take you for someone that corny. A ferris wheel ride? What's next, will you kiss me on top of the ferris wheel when the sun sets?"

"Copter, if you don't realize how corny and romantic I already am, then you have no idea how much more cornier I can get. I'll bring out the big guns, I swear."

There's a slight pink flush on Copter's face and Kimmon could tell he's trying not to smile as he takes another sip of his water, "Hmm...ok," he nods and twists the cap back onto his water bottle, "Let's go. You better bring it," there's mockery in how he says it and he stands up, walking a little ahead, before turning around when he realizes Kimmon's not with him, "Kimmon?"

"I'm coming, I'm just admiring you as you walk away."

"O my  _ god _ , you corny asshole. I will throw this bottle at you I swear," Copter says, but there's laughter in his tone and he covers his face from embarrassment. Kimmon smiles at how lovely he looks standing there, surrounded by the golden hour of the sun.

\--

The sun is nearly setting when they finally make it into the gondola. Kimmon clammers in after Copter, who rushes onto the bench inside. By the time they had gotten to the front of the line he was excited about the ride, bouncing on his toes.

When Kimmon settles in his seat, Copter already has his camera out taking a few snapshots of the scenery before them. The dying sun rays glow against the lake and the duck pedal boats look like small silhouettes of ducks floating on the water.

Copter sighs happily and turns back towards Kimmon, "This was a good idea."

Kimmon reaches out to hold Copter's hand, threading their fingers together, the privacy of the gondola making him feel a little bit braver, "Told you."

"Mmmhmm, ok buddy," Copter leans against Kimmon, his soft hair brushing against the crook of Kimmon's neck,"I'm still waiting for your big romantic moment. So I'm not  _ that _ impressed yet," Kimmon laughs, leaning his cheek against Copter's head and they both stare out of the window as the ferris wheel continues its slow cycle.

A quiet lull settles between them and Kimmon feels content. It's been a while since he felt this happy with the quiet. It's normally oppressive to him, when the worst of his thoughts come out, but since starting to work on this song, he hasn't felt that. Maybe it's because he's finally working again, having a goal in life when he was aimlessly living before. Or maybe it's because he met Copter. He's not sure, but whatever it is, he only hopes he doesn't fall back into that dark hole again.

The lights around the amusement park start to light up slowly as the sun leaves, leaving a muted, soft atmosphere surrounding the crowd. Kimmon could barely make out the city beyond the trees as they go higher, but the rising of the full moon casts a bright light. It's a breathtaking view.

"Hey. Thank you for asking me to work on this song," Copter says.

"Hmm?"

"I uh. I wrote some new stuff last night," Copter squeezes his hand and Kimmon senses the nervousness in his tone.

"Really?"

Copter nods, his hair tickling, "I felt inspired."

"O? Is it about me?" Kimmon teases flirtatiously, leaning over to look at Copter, who elbows him.

He can sense the eye roll Copter sends him, " _ No. _ But, you know. It's been so long since I wrote anything on my own. And..." he sighs, "Writing with you somehow helped jump start something? Like it sparked my creativity," Copter sits back up to look at Kimmon and there's a sincerity in his eyes; Kimmon feels like he's being sucked in by them, "I thought I lost it and-- well they're not masterpieces or anything, but they're mine. I've been scared for a while to write anything ever since...well you know," he smiles a bit, his dimples deepening, "So. Thank you. For not giving up on me when I kept turning you away."

There's an overwhelming feeling of fondness that overtakes him at how earnest Copter is and Kimmon has a strong urge to hug him. Instead, Kimmon brings a hand up to Copter's cheek, "I think you're giving me too much credit for that. That was still all on you."

Copter shrugs, "True."

"Hey! Just a second ago you were saying I helped you," Kimmon laughs.

Copter turns away again, but Kimmon could see how his cheekbones turn up and his shoulders slightly shaking, clearly hiding his mirth and smile. He coaxes him to turn around and when he does, Kimmon sees that sly smile on his face. He looks so pretty under the moonlight that managed to shine its rays into their gondola and Kimmon wishes he could take a photo of him.

Leaning in, he nuzzles his nose against Copter's and envelops Copter into a hug. He can hear Copter's hitch of breath and feels his arms wrap around him in reciprocation.

"I really like you," Kimmon whispers into his ear, "Like...a lot. So so _ so _ much."

"Hmm...really."

"Shush you," they both crack up with laughter and Kimmon hugs him tighter, smiling against him, "I'm being serious here."

"Ok."

"I don't really know where we're going with this and I know everything is going incredibly fast. But I think, meeting under these circumstances, it's whatever you know? I don't know about you, but I've never connected so fast with someone like this before. I feel like I've known you for so long and I just want to be around you. And I know, maybe it's just the honeymoon phase speaking, but this feels different," it feels a lot to say all of this so honestly, but there's something about being around Copter that makes him feel honest in some way.

"I feel the same," Copter murmurs, "Kimmon, it's ok if we take this slow. We don't have to label anything."

Kimmon pulls back, cradling Copter's face between his hands, "I-I don't know if I want that? I don't want to hide you."

Copter smiles, "If you're afraid that I might leave if you don't call me your boyfriend to the world, it's going to take a lot more than that to make me leave."

"I- really?"

"Kimmon, I might not know much about the industry but I know what the world is like. It isn't kind," Copter's eyes look rueful, "I know it won't be easy."

"You make it easy," Kimmon mutters. Copter smiles beatifically up at him and Kimmon can't stop stroking his thumbs against those dimples that pop out. It's then that he notices their gondola has finally reached the top of the ferris wheel, pausing for the few, designated minutes it's set to, "O. We're here."

Copter's glances out of the window, astonished at the scenery before them, "Never realized how beautiful it was here," he says and peeks over the window, "O.  _ O geez _ . We're...really high," Copter scooches back towards Kimmon, climbing into his lap, "Why did I agree to this, I don't like heights!" he exclaims.

"Wait-- what? Did you suddenly forget that?" Kimmon holds onto Copter's waist.

"I don't know! I just-- I wasn't thinking about it!"

"I see, I guess you really wanted that romantic moment up here didn't you?" Kimmon jokes.

Copter scoffs, "Please, as if. I'm not into that," but his arms tightening around Kimmon's shoulders belie his true thoughts. Kimmon finds the brave front he's putting on to be cute, even though he's staring at the floor determinedly.

"Hey, hey," Kimmon murmurs. He can't stop smiling at how Copter looks now and brings a hand under his chin to look at him, "Pretty sure I can change your mind about that."

"Yea?" there's a shine in his eyes and  _ o _ , he's so insanely pretty.

Kimmon ducks his face under Copter's and leans up to press a gentle kiss to his mouth.


	12. Chapter 12

When Kimmon steps into _Wonder Bread_ , he's hit with the lovely aroma of freshly baked bread and the soft French jazz music playing over the speakers. There's only one other person sitting in the corner of the shop, enjoying his sandwich and clicking away on his laptop.

It's a beautiful open space, with lush green plants hanging from the wooden ceiling by sturdy copper wiring and the floor occupied by square tables made of a dark, brown wood. There's one wall made entirely of bricks covered in different European styled posters and the natural light that comes in from the floor to ceiling windows casts the store in a lovely glow. Behind the front counter are partially empty shelves that Kimmon assumes has been emptied out from earlier in the day.

He can see why Copter enjoys working here.

"Hi, welcome to Wo- Kimmon!" Copter looks shocked, from where he's standing by the entrance of the kitchen, his arm holding up the curtain. He's wearing a white chef skull cap and a white apron over his uniform, covered in flour.

The first thing Kimmon wants to do is to take a picture.

And put it as his phone background.

"Hey," he says instead.

"You're here early," Copter says, shyness in his face as he walks up to the counter. He glances over to the lone customer, who seems to be engrossed with whatever he's reading on his laptop, before he stares back at Kimmon. He's chewing on his bottom lip, biting back a smile, and Kimmon is hopelessly endeared.

"Yea. I got kind of impatient waiting around my apartment. I figured you wouldn't mind?"

Copter shakes his head in response.

They both stare at each other a little longer and if that man sitting in the corner isn't there, Kimmon would have leaned over the counter to kiss Copter.

O well.

"Hmm..." Copter tilts his head, "Wanna join me in the back?" he points his thumb behind him.

"O Copter," Kimmon says slyly and Copter rolls his eyes, "I didn't think you wanted me that bad?" Kimmon puts a hand up against his chest, acting scandalized, "What would your boss say?"

"Get your head out of the gutter," Copter shakes his head, coughing into his elbow and trying not to laugh, "I figure you might be bored out here waiting for me to finish my shift. Come on," and he turns around, flipping open the curtain.

Kimmon walks hurried steps around the counter and goes in after him, ready to give him a kiss. When he approaches Copter, he cradles his hands delicately around Copter's face and leans in but is met with...cloth? Pulling back, he sees an amused look on Copter's face and he's holding up an apron.

"You should put these on, _darling_ . Wouldn't want to get your fancy clothes dirty. O and please put on the hat, I don't want any stray hairs," Kimmon pouts as he grabs the material from Copter, "Also, don't expect anything from me when I'm _working,_ sheesh," he scolds, however there's a light smirk to his lips, so Kimmon doesn't feel too bad. He puts on the hat rather haphazardly and starts tying the apron around his waist, observing his surroundings.

It's pristine, as much as it can be since everything is silver, and the middle of the kitchen is taken up by a large wooden table that's covered in flour. There are several bakery trolleys filled with trays of bread and all sorts of scrumptious pastries. Kimmon sort of has an urge to reach in and take a piece, but Copter would probably be none too pleased.

"Kimmon," there's a 'tch' and sigh, "Why is your hat not on properly? I was serious about your hair being covered," Copter's wiping his hands against a towel, having just washed his hands. He waves a hand downwards, beckoning Kimmon to bend down to his level, "Come here."

Kimmon stands there, grinning. He's not one to tease people about their heights, but something about being a few inches taller than Copter has him preening and the look on Copter's face makes him want to tease him even more.

" _Kimmon_ ," he says a little grumpily.

"Ha, ok ok. Patience," Kimmon leans down a bit and attempts to stay still as Copter tucks in his hair into the hat. He's so focused on his task, eyebrows all furrowed, that he doesn't realize Kimmon's face is near him, until Kimmon lightly pecks his mouth.

"Kim _mon_!" he exclaims, eyes widening in surprise.

"'M sorry," Kimmon grins, "Couldn't help it. You're so pretty."

"Uuugh, I'm _handsome_ , thanks," Copter finishes tucking in Kimmon's hair into the skull cap and steps back. He's putting on an act of not being affected, but Kimmon notices how red the tips of his ears are and he wants to reach out to touch them, "Don't you forget that."

"Yes _sir_."

Copter eyes Kimmon, before grabbing his hand, "Come on, let's wash our hands and I'll show you how to make bread."

It's mesmerizing watching Copter assemble the ingredients into a bowl; the soothing sounds of the yeast, water and sugar poured into it followed by Copter stirring it all together gives Kimmon a tingling sensation down his spine. He wants to curl up in the sound of Copter's soft murmuring as he explains what he's doing.

"Don't you need to make more?" Kimmon later asks when Copter takes the bowl out of the proofing oven and he peers into it, noticing how small it looks, "This doesn't seem very much for the store."

"O. This is just for you," Copter nods his chin towards the metal racks behind him, where the trays of bread sit, "That's for the store and I'm done for today's bread quota. Besides I wouldn't make all that bread by hand. Way too much work," he opens a bag of flour and begins mixing in the flour into the bowl.

"Aw, you're making this just for me from your own hands?" Kimmon thinks his heart may explode, "Is the secret ingredient, love?" he simpers.

Copter gives him an unimpressed look as he turns on the electric mixer and the kitchen is filled with sounds of loud, mechanical whirring. Kimmon can't help but laugh into his hand at the put upon expression on his face, "Copter, have you ever thought that maybe I'd tease you less if you don't react like that?"

"Hmph," Copter turns away to concentrate mixing the dough, the pink flush making its way to his face and Kimmon wants to tease him some more but he decides to drop it. He's pretty sure Copter secretly likes it deep down. 

Eventually, Copter turns off the mixer and pours the sticky dough onto the tabletop. Kimmon leans against the table, watching the hypnotic movements of Copter's hands as he kneads the dough on the wood. Copter has very nice hands, Kimmon notes. They're masculine, his fingers neither too long nor stubby and despite how often he uses his hands to work, his skin is still clear and smooth.

"How did you end up here?"

"Hmm?" Copter sprinkles some flour over the dough, "You mean how did I end up baking instead of doing something with writing?"

Kimmon shrugs, shifting a bit and hesitating on bringing Copter's ex up, "I know it has to do with...him. But I don't know how you got from that to this. Baking is so different."

"Mmm well, yea. That's basically it," Copter looks up at Kimmon, pausing his kneading, "I didn't want anything to do with writing. Baking involves my hands and I don't really have to think too much about it. And it's relaxing even though the hours are gruelling sometimes. After I graduated," Copter starts up his movements again, sighing as the memories of that time flood back to him, "I didn't have a job for a few months. I was aimless and I had no desire to write again. "

He seems to be somewhere far off as he kneads the dough and Kimmon taps his shoulder with his own. Copter jumps, a bit startled and he turns to him.

"I can relate," Kimmon says in lieu of a response to fill the silence, and runs his finger across the spare flour on the table, "After my girlfriend broke up with me and the band fell apart, I thought I wouldn't make music again either. It felt like...something I loved was destroyed for me, like something sacred was ruined?" he sighs and looks over at Copter, who is staring at him with an intensity, "And after my album failed, I associated music with pain and avoided it for so long."

"Yea," Copter whispers, then turns away to reach over to the flour bag, and sprinkles some more flour onto the countertop, "My parents weren't happy at all," he sighs, smiling wryly, "I'm not sure why they let me continue the way I was acting but my sisters say it's because I'm the youngest, I don't know. Then, View's childhood friend had just opened _Wonder Bread_ and offered me a job here. I'm not really sure what View told her especially when I can barely cook for myself. But I was grateful for the offer and tried my best studying under her when she could have hired someone more qualified. So here I am."

"As long as you're happy now. Are you?"

Copter doesn't say anything for a moment, focusing on the task at hand. There's a quiet, contemplative look on his face as he thinks it over.

"I think so," he eventually says and removes his hands from the dough, smiling up at Kimmon, "Hey come here and knead this for a bit. Give my arms a break."

"Uh," Kimmon frowns, straightening up, "Are you sure? I don't want to ruin it."

"Yea, come on," Copter laughs, "It's not going to get ruined, I haven't kneaded it long enough. Come on, I'll guide you if I think you're doing badly."

"Um...ok," Kimmon shuffles over to where Copter is and digs his hands into the dough, trying to mimic the movements he saw earlier. The dough is soft and sticky under his fingers as he manipulates it and it's strangely relaxing; the repetitiveness of it seems to unwind his mind. He smiles over to Copter about to make a comment, but he catches Copter looking quickly elsewhere and that's when he realizes Copter was looking at him. Copter's staring rather intently at the table, ears a flaming red.

Kimmon's about to make a sly, flirtatious comment but-- "I will throw this bag of flour over you, don't think I won't."

\--

Kimmon takes the first bite of the bread they had made, the tart sweetness of it filling his mouth and he moans, closing his eyes, "So good!"

Copter reaches over to tear a piece out of the bag and pops it into his mouth, chewing on it in small bites. Kimmon wants to pinch his cheeks, "Not bad for your first try."

"Maybe I should become a baker if this music thing doesn't work out," Kimmon smiles, closing his eyes, "It seems like a pretty relaxing job. I liked kneading the dough."

"Harharhar," Copter says sarcastically and bumps his shoulder against Kimmon's, "I can't imagine you waking up at 3 for that. It's not as easy as you think. I think you might be a little too pampered and comfortable with your lifestyle."

"Hmm that is a point. I do love my sleep," Kimmon concedes and tears another piece, handing it over to Copter, "I'll be your assistant baker then. You can be my _boss_. Now doesn't that sound nice? Telling me what to do and I just follow you?"

"How tempting," Copter has an amused look on his face and Kimmon wants to kiss his smile. But alas, they're in a public park surrounded by all sorts of people. Kimmon puts an arm over Copter's shoulders casually as if they're two friends hanging out, instead of whatever they are.

The sun is shining brightly, its warmth only adding to what he's feeling inside and Kimmon's content. Here he is sitting in the park with someone he likes so much, eating bread that they made together. It feels like not a lot would bring him down, and there's a slight dread in the pit of his stomach that it could be taken down any time. He pushes that feeling away, ripping another piece of bread out to chew on. He can hear Tee's voice in his head telling him to not be too pessimistic. Kimmon closes his eyes, tilting his head towards the warm light of the sun and a comfortable silence settles.

There's an outdoor band playing and he listens to the melody, realizing they're playing an old song that he used to listen to as a kid and one of the first covers he sung with his high school band. He smiles, reminded of the nostalgia of a much simpler time when all he worried about were his friends and girls.

"Hey. Don't answer if this is personal," Copter says out of the blue, "But am I your first guy?"

Kimmon blinks out of his haze, "Uh?"

"O _god_ , forget I asked that," Copter looks like he wants to run, scooting away slightly along the bench to sit further from Kimmon, "I need to shut my mouth sometimes," he puts his face into his hands, groaning "My sisters tell me I run my mouth off too much and that someday it'll get my ass kicked."

Kimmon pulls him right back, the heat of Copter's body leeching into his, "It's fine. I don't mind if it's you. Why are you asking?"

"Ugh. Don't, I'm embarrassing," Copter mutters. Kimmon runs his hand through Copter's soft hair in an attempt to comfort him, chuckling at Copter's dramatics.

Copter peeks his face out from behind his hands, "My sisters may have said some things that got me thinking."

"O. Um, w-what was it?" Kimmon knows how hard it is to please siblings. His ex's sister was hard to warm up to because she found him flaky due to his desire to be a singer and it had taken years for her to like him. A part of him wonders if despite Copter's sisters being his fans, it would make it even harder simply because they are his fans.

"They just worry," Copter says very quietly, all petal soft, "It's been a while since I was in a relationship and I had fallen for him so hard," there's a dry laugh, "Look how that turned out. I know they worry how fast this is going, even if I told them that we're taking our time getting to know each other."

Kimmon squeezes his hand around Copter's shoulder, "And um. They said you were never in a relationship with a man before and what if you were just experimenting? They were worried that you might dump me after you figured out what you wanted. So that..." Copter twists his mouth to the side, "made me wonder."

"You would never be an experiment even if you were my first," Kimmon says slowly, "To answer your question though, no. You're not the first."

"Really?"

Kimmon shrugs, "I'm not famous as I used to be. It's strangely a lot easier to blend in the clubs. There was one man, who I realized was a fan when he was a teenager cause I saw a poster of us in his room. He didn't recognize me though," Kimmon pauses, thinking about it. He shudders, "That was a strange one because my face was staring right at me when we uh-- anyways, it's not like I go out all the time, I like being a hermit."

"Who was your first kiss?" and it sounds slightly demanding.

Kimmon smiles at him, "O? Are you jealous?"

" _No_ ," Copter pauses, "That'd be stupid if I was. We're adults, it's normal that we both have all these experiences and that'd be extremely immature if I were," Kimmon continues to stare at him.

"Yes I might be a little jealous," Copter admits begrudgingly. He starts to pick out a stray string on his shirt, "I'm an idiot, I know."

Kimmon coos, pinching the redness of Copter's ear that's closest to him, "You're funny, did you think you'd be the one to make me think I like men or something?"

Copter huffs out a breath, pushing his hand away and Kimmon cackles, "Whatever!"

Kimmon calms down his laughter and smiles, leaning his head against his hand, "If you must know, my first one with a guy was some acquaintance at an industry party in someone's bathroom," there's a gobsmacked look on Copter's face, "We were both lonely. It happened a few months after my album dropped and was a disaster. My manager and label at the time threatened to drop me for my behavior. So, I wasn't in the greatest of places and wanted to feel comfort I guess. And his boyfriend had broken up with him. So..." Kimmon trails off thinking about that time remembering the shock of kissing a man and finding how much he enjoyed it. He wonders how that man is doing and if he ever found happiness.

"Some kiss huh?" 

"It was really nice! He had really nice lips!” Kimmon exclaims and then slaps a hand on Copter’s shoulder, “Well you must have one too? The one that made you realize your attraction to men?"

"For me it was more that I realized I liked men already before I kissed a guy."

Kimmon nudges him, "And?"

"And what?"

"Your first kiss with a guy!"

"It's not wild like yours. Just a classmate that I thought was really attractive. We were doing a project together after school in the library and we kissed. It was nice."

"You seem to kiss people in school a lot huh."

"Oi!" Copter laughs, elbowing Kimmon, "That's totally normal. Not all of us get invited to fancy parties."

"Alright, alright!" Kimmon holds his hand out, protecting himself from Copter's shoves, "But see, we all have these different paths in figuring these things out. Don't you think it's better this way? It's not the first person who matters, but who you end up with," he leans in closer to Copter, "Right?"

"You think that?"

"Hmm?"

"That we'd be together forever?"

"I don't know about _that_ ," Kimmon muses and leans back against the bench, the metal slabs of it digging into his back, "I don't believe in forever like that. It's still early, but I hope that we're in each other's lives for a long time, yea? I really adore you."

Copter stares at him for a long time not saying anything back; there's something tender in his eyes and Kimmon wants to reach out to touch his face, the ache in his chest growing.

\--

They're walking along a lake now, among all the other couples milling about. The sun is starting to set and the lake is a bright orange and gold. It's all sorts of romantic and maybe it's because of their talk earlier, but Kimmon holds Copter's hands in his, both of them not letting go for a long time as they stroll about.

"Hey. So, um. I have something to tell you," he says after a while of silence.

"What?"

"I uh...may have bought your ex's book the other day."

Copter's eyebrows raise, surprise in his eyes, "O?"

"I probably should have asked for your permission," Kimmon looks at him apologetically, "I'm sorry."

Copter shrugs, "Don't be. It's been on the shelves for a while and in a way you did when Tee told you about it. Not like you did anything wrong."

"I know, but it felt kind of weird not telling you. I know you a little bit more than Tee does."

"Hmmm but if you think about it, I know more about you than you know about me. My sisters told me so much. Not really sure how they know so much to be honest, it's kind of concerning now that I think about it."

Kimmon smiles a bit sadly, "Yea but it's not like you asked for your life to be out there. He did all that without your consent."

Copter frowns and snaps his head towards Kimmon, "Not like you did either!" he says indignantly, "You don't owe anyone anything about your life too."

"Well thank you for that," Kimmon is endeared by Copter's concern, "I bought it rather impulsively when I saw the book again," he frowns at the memory of the worker in the bookshop who wouldn't stop praising it, "I wanted to prove he was wrong about you."

"O," Copter whispers, "What did..." he clears his throat, "What did you think?"

"He _is_ a brilliant writer, but he over describes so much and that’s not really my style. I sort of fell asleep, so I still have some ways to go with that book," Kimmon admits. Copter laughs and Kimmon smiles in response, marveling at how bright he looks, "You could just sense the doucheyness coming from the pages."

"That doucheyness won a lot of awards."

"Meh, that doesn't mean anything to me," he stares over at Copter, the fondness in him growing, "I've only agreed with one thing so far that he's said."

Copter tilts his head curiously, "And that is?"

"Your beauty."

"O-oo..." Copter stammers, his cheeks slightly pink and shoves a hand against Kimmon, "You do talk some shit don't you? Ugh."

"What! He's the one that wrote it," Kimmon exclaims, hugging Copter even closer to him and nudging his head with his knuckles, "I forgot though, you're _handsome_."

"You got that right," Copter grumbles against his shoulder, but Kimmon detects the smile in his voice.


	13. Chapter 13

Kimmon insisted on driving Copter home once he realized they'd been out a little longer than he had intended and it didn’t feel right to drop him off at one of the BTS stations. Of course, it’s not like he minded being around Copter's company for an extra hour.

“Can I drive your car then?” Copter jokes as they approach his car, all sleek and shiny under the city lights where it’s parked, "I've always wanted to drive this model."

“Didn’t you tell me you don’t have a license?”

“So?”

Kimmon levels him with a flat stare before unlocking the car, “Then no.”

“Hey, I’ve played those racing arcade games plenty of times and never crashed!”

“I’d rather not die today. I haven’t romanced you long enough and I’d like to be around with you a little longer if that's ok with you,” Kimmon quips, opening the passenger door for Copter, who is looking at him with a flustered expression.

“You never stop do you?” he mutters, his ears looking a little red. Kimmon’s chest is full of fondness and he pinches at the rosy earlobe, all warm between his fingers. Copter laughs as he slaps Kimmon’s hand away and climbs into the car.

The drive through the city is pleasant as Kimmon follows the cheerful voice of the GPS and Copter’s snoozing, his head leaning against the window. Kimmon feels a little guilty, knowing that Copter had woken up early for work and would have to do the same the next morning. They might have cut into Copter's sleeping hours. But it was as if time didn't exist when they were together today, going by so rapidly.

A familiar song starts playing over the radio, the opening notes sending a tingle down Kimmon’s spine when he recognizes it. He reaches over to change the station, but gets interrupted, “Hey whoa, don't change it. I haven’t heard this song since high school.” Copter mutters.

“Ah, you’re awake."

“I was just napping,” Copter yawns and he’s quiet again, listening to one of SPARK’s more popular hits, “My sisters used to scream sing this song in their rooms all the time, just loudly pumping the song over their computer. Pretty sure I used to dream about this song too with how many times I heard it.”

Kimmon snorts, “Well, sorry about that. I never liked singing this song.”

“What, really? Isn’t this the song that got you guys famous?”

“Yea, but we sang it so much,” Kimmon sighs, making a turn onto the freeway at the behest of the GPS. Kimmon's voice is heard over the speakers, soft and straining over the familiar melody, “I got sick of it.”

“Hmm that’s harsh.”

“Probably, but it’s not-- I mean you know it’s not the greatest song.”

“Definitely not.”

Kimmon snorts, “But I appreciate what the song brought me! It made my dreams come true for a little while before everything.”

“Have you told your old band mates about this song yet?” Copter asks.

“I-- no. Not really planning to. I haven’t really spoken to them since the band broke up. It’d be too awkward now to reach out and I think they left the industry. I wouldn’t want to bother them about it.”

“Wouldn’t they be happy for you?” 

“Uh. I doubt it. After he left, the rest of us fought. I said some nasty things, they said some nasty things to me. Definitely lead to the band fracturing even worse,” Kimmon sucks his teeth with his tongue, “God, we were really immature.”

“At least you’re aware of it. But, I think they’d be excited,” Copter says, “You’re all adults now and I'm going to assume in way better places than you were back then when the band broke up. Hey, maybe you can tell him too."

Kimmon chews on his lower lip, “I um. I don’t know. I don’t think he’d care. I told you things ended badly between us.”

“But you don't know that. You haven't spoken to him in a decade, people change. Most for the better. Don’t you think since you're more mature now you two could at l-- ”

“Copter,” Kimmon interrupts, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He says it with a cold finality and from his periphery, he sees Copter sink into his seat. There’s an uneasiness in Kimmmon’s chest, so he reaches over to hold Copter’s hand, shaking it a bit as he interlocks their fingers, “Hey, look I’m not-- I’m not mad ok?”

“Yea. Ok,” Copter murmurs and turns his head to look outside.

Kimmon tightens his hold and leaves his hand there until he pulls up along the curb in front of Copter's home. It's still a little uncomfortable and Kimmon never liked ending things so negatively with anyone.

Copter yanks his hand away from his grip to remove his own seat belt and mutters a "Thanks" under his breath. But before Copter has a chance to open the door, Kimmon pulls him back, pressing his lips to Copter's knuckles, "I'm sorry I snapped. I know you were trying to help," he whispers against them. Copter gives him a sad smile, "No, you had every right. I shouldn't have pushed when I don't know enough about it."

Kimmon caresses the hand in his with his thumb, “Then I shouldn’t have said it like that. It’s still a bit of a touchy subject I guess.”

"I just...I don't think it's good to have him loom over you like a shadow. But I get it. I'm the walking definition of someone who lets his past rule him," he says in jest.

"But you're trying."

Copter shrugs and looks down, his eyelashes sweeping across his high cheekbones. He looks so sweet like this and Kimmon has an urge to kiss the mole beneath his lip. So he does, brushing his mouth lightly against the soft skin. When he backs away, Copter’s staring at him with wide eyes. 

“Couldn’t help it,” Kimmon rubs a thumb against the spot he just kissed, “You looked too sweet.”

Copter rolls his eyes and scoffs, but Kimmon catches his mouth slightly tilting up and he’s attempting to keep his face blank. 

“Thanks for hanging out with me today.”

“I didn’t mind, I had fun,” Copter says and he opens his door. Kimmon’s heart sinks a bit, wondering if Copter was still upset after all and he wouldn’t necessarily blame him for it. He looks down at his car console, murmuring a goodbye. 

Suddenly, he hears a rush of air and Copter’s kissing his mouth, his fingers tightly gripping into the collar of Kimmon’s top. He finds himself lost in all that softness and Copter slips in his tongue -- something in Kimmon’s chest swells, filled with a dizzying want. He gasps when Copter breaks it off and leans forward to chase him, but Copter pushes him back.

“Um.”

Kimmon thinks maybe his brain may be a little broken from that. He stares at Copter in a daze and wants to lick his tongue across the cheeky smile Copter has.

“Let me know when you record with Bas?”

"Uh. Y-yea. I’ll let you Tee knows -- uh I mean. When Tee tells me. I’ll let you know.”

Fuck.

“Cool,” Copter pats his cheek and Kimmon is thankful it’s dark out since he swears his cheeks are pink because of how hot his face feels. He’s sure Copter notices what with the small smirk he gives Kimmon and then he hops out, “Drive safely _darling_ ,” and he shuts the door.

On the drive back home, Kimmon leaves his window halfway down and revels in the cool air that flows into the car.

\--

There are days when Kimmon’s sadness hits him the hardest and he ends up staying in bed all day, choosing not to eat or do anything to distract himself. He doesn’t know why he feels so down suddenly, when he had felt fine this past week and elated with working again. The thought of even touching his piano or guitar doesn’t sound appealing to him in the slightest even though it’s one of the things that puts him in a good mood. 

This morning, it hit him particularly hard. Anytime he gets like this, the feeling of that dark hole swallowing him alive, Tee insists that he texts him so he can come by. But he feels tired to reach for his phone, that’s somewhere on the floor, and curls in on himself under his blanket, choosing to stare at the slow drag of the sunlight crawling up the walls. 

He later wakes up to find Tee sitting on the floor by the couch, his hand stroking Kimmon’s hair. Tee’s eyebrows are furrowed, wrinkling the smooth skin of his forehead and Kimmon wants to reach up to undo it. 

“Hey,” he mutters.

“Kimmon,” Tee says, a sad and concerned look in his eyes. “You weren’t answering my calls earlier and I got really worried.”

“Hmm.”

Tee sighs. There's a heaviness behind it and Kimmon feels guilty for putting it there, “Kimmon please. Talk to me.”

Kimmon shrugs.

“What’s going on in your head?” Tee has a disappointed look on his face, “You promised you wouldn’t fall into your habits.”

“I haven’t. I haven’t drank at all, I swear. I just feel…” he swallows, the words snag in his throat, “Overwhelmed.”

“Ok…” Tee reaches down to hold Kimmon’s hand, lacing their fingers, “What else is there?”

“Do you realize it’s been years since I’ve been in the public eye? Talked to anybody in the media? What if they ask more about what happened back then? I know they’re going to ask and I don’t want to talk about it, I think I’ll lose it if it’s dragged out again.”

“You know, we’ll be able to handle that right? I’ll field those questions before they even think about asking you about that. It won’t be as out of control.”

“Then what about later? Do I keep writing music? Do I start working on a solo album now to keep people interested, but what if it fails again? The more I think about it, I don’t know how I’ll be able to write without Copter.”

“Is that what this is about? I thought things were going well with him?”

“It is! So far,” Kimmon stares back up at the ceiling, “When I’m with him, it’s easy to forget and later on I just think-- I don’t know if he likes me?”

“What? He does!” Tee exclaims, “When he was with me backstage at the park, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you the whole time. Where is this even coming from Kimmon? Don’t do this." 

“I'm not, I'm not Tee, I swear. But I can't help and wonder what if he leaves me, what if I'm not good enough. He’s someone who wants his privacy and I want to respect it but I can't help but think about what happened back then with her. When I hid our relationship so she could live her life peacefully and she left me because I hid her too much."

"Kimmon, it's different this time though. It's a lot different. I think Copter wants to look out for you. You know that, he’s told you it’s ok.”

“I really want everything to work out,” Kimmon whispers, “I’m terrified it won’t. Like everything they’ve said about me will be right after all.”

“I do too Kimmon,” Tee tightens his grasp around Kimmon’s hand, “And I know it will. Bas wouldn’t have gone after you if he didn’t think this collaboration wouldn’t work. He’s got this amazing team who will push for his success. But," Tee sighs and holds his gaze at Kimmon, "If it doesn't, I don't want to see you give up. You have me now and not that asshole that managed you. I'll push you harder than before and we’ve been given this stepping stone to put you back."

"Thank god for that."

Tee laughs and tugs on his hand, "Come on. Get up. Let me hug you."

Kimmon sits up and finds himself enveloped in Tee’s arms. It’s warm and comforting and Kimmon closes his eyes as Tee shakes him from side to side. Suddenly, he lets out a gasp of surprise, “Is that _My Brown Haired Lover_?” and Kimmon blanches. He’s shoved back and in Tee’s hand is Kimmon’s copy of the book. It must have peeked out from Kimmon’s blanket when he shifted around to hug Tee.

“I knew I recognized that cover.”

“Um.”

“I could have given you mine!” Tee holds the book to his chest, “I’m so surprised you’re reading it. You resisted before.”

“Wanted to finally see what the fuss was about,” Kimmon mutters and takes the book back, slipping it under his comforter, “You love it so much.”

“So what do you think of it?” Tee leans in, eagerness apparent, “Are you done?”

“Erm, not yet,” Kimmon’s not sure how to explain his reasoning for reading it and therefore it colored his view, “It’s well written.”

The thing is, if Kimmon is completely honest, it's a remarkable piece of writing and Kimmon could see why Copter was drawn to the man. He's witty with his usage of language and prose-- Kimmon can only imagine what he must've been like in person. There's an intelligence there that's rare and so innate in someone to make them naturally brilliant and also conceited.

Which is why Kimmon detests him. So astute and self aware, and yet he turned out to be one of the worst people in Kimmon's mind for hurting so many people in his life due to his arrogance.

“How far have you gotten?”

“I’m at the part where the professor breaks it off.”

Tee gasps, hands grasping his own face, “O my god, so you’re almost done. That’s the best part. Well the second, my favorite part is right before they get together and it’s just so _ugh_ intense. You felt that tension too right? But, I loved how the next part was written. It’s so _romantic_. The way he writes about the conflict he’s going through in his head while having to deal with his student,” he gushes.

Hearing that piques Kimmon’s interest, “What’s your opinion on the student?”

“Hm? Him?” Tee taps a finger against his chin as he ponders over his answer, “Well. He’s a lot. But I guess that’s why the professor fell for him. He’s alluring and sweet on the surface, sucking him in under his spell. Then it’s twisted later on into this nightmare who ruins him, but they can’t keep away from each other because of how they inspire each other in their writing. I find it beautifully toxic and I think that’s why it’s been so popular because they’re so bad for each other, but at the same time so captivating together,” he says, all pleased, “It’s terrible but it’s all fiction, which is why I love it so much. O! I should text Mook that you’ve gotten around to reading it. She’d be so excited and maybe we can have a book club with the three of us.”

“Let’s uh...let’s put a rain check on that Tee,” Kimmon says in an attempt to assuage Tee’s enthusiasm and not to bother his make-up artist, “I’ve got so much on my plate already with this song and what else may come afterwards.”

“Hmm you’re right,” Tee perks up and puts a hand over his chest, “I’m so happy though. I never thought you’d read it and we can _talk_ about it. My heart is warm.”

Kimmon finds his smile too cute and reaches over to pinch his cheeks to deal with it.

\--

Kimmon’s waiting in the lobby of the recording studio, peering out of the glass door to see if Copter is anywhere outside. He’s already met up with Bas and Earth, asking to wait out here in case Copter got lost.

They’ve barely texted each other in the days between their last date and today. After having sent a bunch of unanswered texts, Kimmon discovered that Copter wasn’t attached to his phone -- and along with his odd hours due to his job, he would go to bed earlier also, so Kimmon always somehow missed calling him. It was a little weird because of how Copter had been a constant presence for those couple of days and Kimmon had gotten so used to talking to him far too much. 

He sees Copter’s familiar figure on the other side of the street and he’s watching both sides of it before crossing over. Kimmon pushes the door open, waving a hand at him and Copter smiles brilliantly. Having not seen it in a while, Kimmon’s heart is in his throat at how lovely he looks. He looks a little tired, dark smudges under his eyes, but Kimmon thinks he’s more beautiful than the most made up people he’s met at industry parties. Copter hurries his way over and they both meet on the sidewalk, hands entangling. 

“Hey,” Copter leans up and presses a light kiss to Kimmon’s cheek. Kimmon’s taken aback by the sudden affection and he sends a shy smile over to Copter, who’s smiling back at him.

“Um. So, you ready?”

“I should be asking you that,” Copter swings their hands together and he looks up at Kimmon with bright eyes, “You’re the one singing today. I’m only here as support aren’t I?”

“Copter, you wrote the lyrics, come on. Bas seemed pretty excited to show us what he’s done so far with his recording...well excited as he can be.”

“Hey, I happen to like how mellow he is.”

Kimmon snorts and tugs Copter’s hand towards the entrance.

They walk past Earth whose tall figure is an imposing presence in the hallway. He’s on the phone, arguing about costs and what not to whoever is on the other line. He gives them a friendly wave and points at the door where they need to be. 

Kimmon twists the door open and whistles at the high tech studio. It’s been a while since he’s been in one and the last time was years ago. Bas is with the producers, head bent down over a small table as they discuss something, but he lifts his head as soon as hears them.

He takes small steps towards Copter and holds Copter’s hands between his, “Hello, I’m so glad you made it Copter. And to finally meet you in person.”

“Y-yea,” Copter’s a little pink and Kimmon has to hold his tongue back from teasing him about it. Watching Copter turn dumbstruck in Bas’ presence is too _hilarious._ Kimmon partially understands as he was the same around people he looked up to in the beginning of his career. Copter pulls his hands back quickly, but Bas doesn’t seem to take offense to it.

“These are my producers, Sert and Jag,” Bas waves an elegant hand at them, “They’re the best in the business.”

“So you wrote this song?” Sert inquires, “Have you thought of going in a more professional route? You’re talented.”

“Um. I haven't thought about it,” Copter shrugs and nudges Kimmon with his shoulder, “I wouldn’t have been able to write without Kimmon though. He’s the one who transformed my words and helped me out when I struggled.”

“You both are an amazing team,” Bas says demurely, “I’m happy you two found each other to give me this gem.”

Kimmon nods, feeling a little shy at the praise. A part of him wants to push Copter out there and brag about him.

“Take a seat,” Bas points at the couch to the side and he sits himself on top of the table across from them, “I said this to Kimmon earlier, but I made some changes to the arrangement.”

They both nod.

“I found your original version so beautiful and poetic. It’s gorgeous and I wish I could put it in my album as it is, but after going over the musical sound of my album with my producers, it didn’t fit well with the rest unfortunately. And as it’s the lead single, I need something to show what the rest of my album would be like. It needed some power. If you’ve heard what my previous songs sound like, this one follows them in the same vein.”

When Bas first mentioned it to Kimmon, Kimmon was under the impression that what he meant was changing a few things. But the more Bas talks, in that calm manner, there’s a dread that’s building in Kimmon’s chest and he thinks he understands what happened to the song. Having already heard what one of Bas’ “musical direction” sounds like when he was filming his video, Kimmon has an uneasy feeling.

Bas turns towards the producers, indicating one of them to play the track.

A loud bass starts and both Copter and Kimmon jump. It’s completely the opposite of the soft piano that Kimmon had composed. Bas’ voice sings over the electronic beat, followed by another man’s singing Kimmon's lines, taking away any of the layered accompaniment that Kimmon played in his studio. More heavy beats are added in and Kimmon doesn’t recognize the words that are playing over the speakers. It hits him that Bas had changed the second verse in its entirety. _Doing better than you_ is repeated in the background as the synth picks up. 

Kimmon can feel Copter shift against his seat uncomfortably beside him and Kimmon has to press his lips together to not react to the strange words. Bas is mouthing along to the song, a serene smile gracing his face and the producers look just as pleased.

As the song starts to close, Kimmon wonders what exactly he could say and the apprehension only grows as the final notes play.

“So,” Bas turns to face them, his smile widening, “What did you think?”

Kimmon coughs into his hand, attempting to prolong what his true feelings are. He absolutely doesn’t know if he can sing this song because it sounds more like a solo song than anything if he's being honest.

“Do you need water?” Bas asks, concern in his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Kimmon mutters, “So the song…”

“Yes.”

“I um. Hmm…” Kimmon snakes his tongue around his teeth, “Well the beats are nice.”

He’s starting to see what Copter meant when he said the melodies weren’t enough for a song.

“And the changes you made to the lyrics are something else...” Kimmon trails off, unsure of how to continue.

“Actually,” Copter pipes in and Kimmon can see he’s not happy. There’s a sharpness to his eyes at how he looks at Bas and Kimmon knows nothing good will come out of this, “Bas, don't take this the wrong way. I respect you as an artist and have been your fan for so long, but this isn’t the song we wrote for you.”

Bas tilts his head, but he doesn’t say anything and his face remains blank as ever. Not that Kimmon is able to read him, but he worries that Bas might be displeased.

“I think," Kimmon interjects with what he hopes is a diplomatic tone, "What Copter is saying is that it’s very you. It suits you well."

“No, what I’m _saying_ is that the message of the song has changed completely with you butchering the words that I wrote. You entrusted us to convey your message about healing from heartbreak and becoming better versions of ourselves. Now it's been twisted into some kind of revenge song. That's a great theme, but that's not what we wrote. And taking out Kimmon’s arrangement made it less inspiring. He worked so hard in composing this and coming up with what he did at such short notice--”

Kimmon abruptly stands up, unable to take in how Bas and the producers are scrutinizing them. Copter breaks off his rant and stares up at Kimmon, “I’m sorry, um...if you don’t mind us going outside? To discuss this more? We'll be back as quickly as possible.”

“Of course.”

Copter looks as if he’s about to protest when Kimmon pushes him to leave. He sends Kimmon a glare and stands up. Kimmon drags him out into the hallway and tries to find an empty, unlocked room. He can feel the anger emanating off of Copter in waves and he is not going to deal with this in public.

Once he does, he beckons Copter to follow him, who walks in after him with a furious stare and the door shuts, "What the hell was that?" He bursts out, not waiting to cool down, "Leaving me out to hang dry?”

“No, you don’t get to ask me that. What were you thinking, questioning Bas’ decision? Do you realize how unprofessional you were being?”

Copter stares at him in disbelief, “You’re fucking joking. Did you not listen to that _garbage_?”

“Look, first off. That’s subjective alright?” Kimmon says in a placating tone, holding his hands out and attempting to keep his cool, “And second, it’s just how it is in the business. Bas’ managers and producers know what works for him and what works for him is that kind of music. It’s what his fans expect and it’s what they want from him. How else do you think he became so successful? You’re a fan! You know what his music is like.”

“Don't you dare talk down to me," Copter says viciously, his finger pointing at Kimmon, "I can’t believe I’m hearing this. You lectured me on how important music was and maybe music isn’t my forte but I can tell they ruined it. They took everything beautiful you composed for _th-that_ ,” he sputters, “They distorted our words into whatever mess that was!”

“Copter, I-- listen to m--” Kimmon grabs onto Copter’s hands that are wildly waving about.

Copter yanks his hands out, stepping away. He can’t seem to stop shaking and his eyes flash under the lights with anger, “I wrote that song after you spilled your heart out to me. After I told you everything I’ve been through, something that I avoided talking about for so long. This is the most honest thing I’ve written and I think it’s the same for you too. I don't believe that you would stand behind the song Bas gave us. Do you really think the general public are mindless and stupid or something? We want a song to move us, to touch us. And you're okay with singing the opposite of that?”

“Of course not. But that’s just how it is and I have to make my peace with it!”

Copter scoffs, “I see. So you rather throw your integrity under the bus. You do realize your name will be on this? Do you want your comeback to be associated with this kind of song? Don’t you get some say in this? Your career is on the line too! I swear our version would sell if that’s what you’re concerned about. You and Bas would get so much praise. Not whatever that drivel is.”

“No,” Kimmon says, steel coloring his voice, “It’s not our song anymore. Bas can do whatever he wants with it and I’ll get enough positive attention off of it.”

Copter seems taken aback by Kimmon’s tone and his eyes harden, “The few fans you have left are going to leave you.”

“ _Wow_.”

“I don’t get this.”

“Of course you don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like to have your job on the line, everything on the line. I can’t afford to lose this opportunity because I don’t know what will happen to me and my future if it doesn’t. I won't have you judge me for wanting this to work," Kimmon's voice raises towards the end.

“Right,” Copter says flatly, “I definitely don’t know what that’s like,” he shakes his head, “I thought you wanted to change. Remember what you told me about your solo album? That it didn't come from the best place and all these people stifled you and you wanted to make it more honest?”

“That’s different. That’s wishful thinking.”

“Why can’t you try to even make that happen _now_? What’s wrong with doing that? I’m not trying to be difficult, I’m really not. I know this is important to you but-- but do you really think you’ll be happy with that attitude?” 

Kimmon shakes his head, “Copter, I know how this works. _You_ don’t.” 

“This is why your goddamn album didn’t work out,” Copter spits out. It’s so venomous that Kimmon could taste its vitriol and he flinches backwards, “You’re such a pushover to all these people who don’t know any better, wanting to please everybody. And it showed. Soulless and no heart and your fans knew it. There’s a perfect example right there, that you won’t get the attention you want if you continue with the song at Bas’ direction. You didn’t put your actual talent into it because I know you can do so much better. I've seen you do better. You let them trample over you because you didn’t dare stand up for yourself, just like right now. No fucking wonder your album failed and that’s why you’re coasting through your life like this.”

That stung, stabbing right in Kimmon’s heart and he didn’t think Copter was capable of saying such a thing. Copter’s face falls as if he realizes he may have gone too far and he reaches out, his hand outstretched towards Kimmon. 

“Kimmon,” Copter’s voice softens and there’s a quiet desperation behind it, “Let me fight for you at least if you won't fight for yourself.”

“No,” Kimmon shakes his head and takes a step back, “I’m not risking this.”

Copter stares for a moment, then nods slowly, “Fine, then I’m leaving. I don’t want to support this. Whatever this is,” he turns away towards the door.

“Fucking typical,” Kimmon mutters, unable to stop himself.

Copter whips his head around, glaring at Kimmon, “Say that to my fucking face.”

‘“I said _typical_ ,” Kimmon snarls, “You run when shit doesn’t go your way.”

“Fuck you. I don’t do that.”

“God, you know,” Kimmon says, his voice shaking, “He was right about you.”

Copter freezes, as if he’s been slapped, “Who was right about me?” 

“I just-- I’ve told you I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to tell you that you’re not what he said because he's a fucking horrible person, but Copter fuck,” Kimmon rubs a hand across his mouth and Copter’s staring at him with wide eyes, “He got you so right. When I finished that book yesterday, I -- You’re just-- you’re naive about so much and everything has to go how you want it. Always following some idealistic goal and if nothing goes your way, then you don’t want anything to do with it anymore! 

You take and you take, and push and you don’t give a shit how that may affect other people, just _using_ people,” Copter lets out an involuntary gasp as if Kimmon punched him in the chest, “All because Bas wanted the song changed and you throw a fit over it! That's not how the world works, the whole world doesn’t just go with your whims and you can't just leave when it goes differently!”

“Don’t fucking say that,” Copter snaps, “Take that back,” there’s hurt in his voice and his lower lashes are brimmed with tears. His face is crumpling as he tries to keep up his strong facade. Kimmon’s heart hurts seeing it and he wants to hug him, but he doesn’t.

“You did it with your writing. Running away from your own talent because of him. And you’re doing it now...”

“How can you say that to me?” Copter whispers and laughs in disbelief, the harshness of it leaving Kimmon cold, "After everything?"

Kimmon’s shaking at this point, “I...I don’t--” he feels the fight leave him and his heart is heavy. His tongue is awkward and clumsy in his mouth; he wants to reach out and apologize -- that he didn’t mean what he said, but he can’t, he can’t take it back, it’s out and Copter’s going to _leave_. Kimmon can see it in his eyes and he feels stuck in this agony.

“God. I don't like you very much right now,” Copter wipes a trembling hand against his face. Kimmon brushes a hand against his, but Copter slaps it away.

“Don’t.”

The door quietly clicks open and there’s Bas and Earth standing there. Bas has a calm expression on his face as if he possibly didn’t hear them, while Earth’s is an open book and he looks like he doesn’t want to be there anymore.

“Are we ok here?” he asks in a stilted voice, “We’ve booked the space for a few hours so…”

“Yea, it’s fine,” Copter says, as if his eyes aren’t rimmed red and his nose all ruddy, “I um. I need to leave unfortunately. My work called me in and I have to go. I’m sorry Bas,” he looks towards him, “I’m sorry for my comments earlier.”

“That’s alright Copter. I regret that you’re unable to stay here for the recording session.”

And then he’s gone.


	14. Chapter 14

When Kimmon steps into his apartment, he's met with Tee curled up on the couch in his living room.

"Tee,” he whispers. He's not sure if he's in the mood to talk to anyone, but he knows Tee at least would stay.

"O Kimmon, what happened?" Tee stands up from where he's sitting and pulls Kimmon towards the couch, "What are you doing here? I thought you were with Art today.”

"He finished his auditions when I heard from Earth about what happened. I didn't know what to think and I had to come over,” Tee rubs a supportive hand on his arm and gives him a rueful smile, “Of course I would be here.”

Kimmon's a little numb and sits down, curling his knees up onto the seat and digging his bare feet into the cushion beneath him. Tee takes out a rustling plastic bag from his own bag and places it between them."I brought your favorite snack," he mutters, "I didn't know what else to bring."

He pulls out a full bar of Kit Kat and Kimmon takes it from him, tearing the plastic off. Without breaking the bars apart, he bites into the entire thing. The silence is filled with the loud crunch and Kimmon falls limp against the back of his couch. All the energy from the day has been drained out of him and he feels like his mind had been stretched in all directions. Eating Kit Kats is not helping if he's being perfectly honest.

"Kimmon,” Tee starts off quietly, “All Earth told me was that you and Copter got into a fight and Copter left the studio right after. And that your voice gave out halfway through recording."

Kimmon swallows.

"Yep. That's pretty much it. Wouldn’t be surprised if Bas asked me not to collaborate with him after that fiasco.”

He can sense Tee isn't happy with the answer provided and he sighs, preparing himself, "He was unhappy with the version that Bas demo'd to us. It destroyed the meaning we intended with the song and turned into...I guess Bas wanted to show his ex he was better off. I dunno. It wasn’t just the words, it was my music that changed too. It wasn’t what we wrote, not even close to the original, and Copter told him that he ruined it."

"O. But that couldn't have caused him to walk out."

"No. We-- _I_ said some awful things to him after I dragged him out of the room. I dunno how I'll be able to fix it."

"Apologize to him," Tee says this as if it's so simple.

"I don't think it's enough. I really hurt him," Kimmon feels an ache behind his eyes and throws his arm over them, "You didn't see how he looked before he left and I did that to him. I took every insecurity he told me, things he hasn’t told anyone else, and I threw it back in his face."

There's a hand rubbing up and down his arm, "Kimmon, the best you can do is to apologize. And it's up to him if he accepts it or not, you can't force it."

"I know. I-- I fucked up so bad,” Kimmon drops the bar in his hand, letting it fall to the rug beneath them, and brings his other hand up to his face, “He told me I could never stand up for myself and that’s why my album failed so badly."

Tee sucks in a breath, "What?"

"And he said I was letting it happen with this song. But what am I supposed to do? It's-- Bas is the boss here and Copter doesn't realize what's at stake for me and I-- I don’t know what to do!"

Tee is quiet and after the silence stretches into long minutes, he stands up and heads towards the kitchen. Kimmon shuts his eyes and burrows his head into his knees. He can’t bear it, thinking back on Copter’s face -- the devastated look in his eyes and his wet cheeks. The way his voice broke asking Kimmon to take it back and Kimmon only twisted the knife in harder. He can see it in slow motion as he rewinds it back, how everything slowly fell apart out of his control.

He feels trapped in this dark hole and tightens his arm around his knees. 

There's a nudge to his hand and he peeks up to see a porcelain mug filled with water, small clouds of steam escaping it, "Drink it." Tee urges and sits down with his own mug. Kimmon holds the mug between his hands -- it’s warm and he curls his fingers around it. He brings it up to his mouth, letting the warmth fill the coldness in the center of his body. 

"I feel this is my fault,” Tee whispers, “For making it so high stakes like this. As if it was all or nothing. I didn’t mean to put this much pressure on you to feel this way.”

“It isn’t.”

“But your happiness is important too. You do realize that right? Do you still want to do this?” Tee grabs onto Kimmon’s hand, “ If you want to leave, I’ll support you no matter what you want to do.”

Kimmon stares.

“You think I want to leave?”

“I don’t think you do because I believe in your talent, but I’ll understand. I know you’ve been traumatized by it and I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to do it anymore. There’s more to this than being a singer too.”

Kimmon takes another sip of the water as he thinks it over. The thought of leaving the entertainment industry behind has sometimes crossed his mind when he’s feeling his lowest, which to be honest, he’d say right now is one of his lowest moments. He always wondered what he could possibly do, but his mind would always circle back to how performing was all he wanted to do. Being a performer felt right to him and it was something he knew as a kid that nothing else would make him as happy.

The closest he left was after being let go by his recording label and his management. Living a devil-may-care life as he wasted his youth away much to his parents’ chagrin. The anonymity of his post-boyband career allowed him to go out every night and use the royalties he made off the songs he wrote. He would’ve gone on to do this for years until everything depleted if Tee never cornered him at a club he had gone to and persisted for weeks to become his manager.

“I wouldn’t want to waste all that effort you put in pursuing me to go back into the music industry again,” Kimmon mumbles into his mug.

“What?”

“You helped me a lot and believed in me so much. I don’t want to throw that away.”

“Don’t do this for _me,_ Kimmon.”

Kimmon scoffs, “I’m not. I’m just letting you know in a roundabout way that I’m grateful to you. But I wouldn’t leave anyways. And I can’t see myself doing anything else outside of this.”

“I can’t either. I still think you have a lot more to show to people. “

“I know,” Kimmon squeezes Tee’s hand, “You’re going to make me cry if you keep talking like this.”

“You never cry,” Tee retorts, nudging his shoulder to Kimmon’s, “I think it’d be a good thing. You can cry your pretty little head right here,” he pats at his chest for good measure. Kimmon chuckles and the tingly feeling behind his eyes intensifies.

“Ugh,” he draws his hand out of Tee’s hand to cover his eyes when his vision of Tee gets a little blurry and his upper lip quivers. He doesn’t know why that gets him of all things, but everything from earlier today along with Tee’s constant support adds up and then some tears fall. There’s a soft sound near him and Tee’s patting his back -- the next thing he knows, he’s weeping. Snot’s dripping everywhere, all over his face and hands. It’s a disgusting mess and he tries to swallow back the sobs, but that makes it worse and he cries even more. A tissue is shoved into his hand and he hiccups into it as he attempts to clean up his tears, but it doesn’t stop. His heart hurts and he cries further, thinking about everything that’s happened from his band and _him_ , to his stagnant career. All the choices he’s made that lead him to now.

Tee doesn’t say a word and continues to rub his back with a comforting hand.

“I feel like I’ve made so many mistakes these past ten years and everything’s gone so-- ,” his voice is hoarse and god, he hopes all this crying isn’t going to ruin his vocal cords, “Did I ruin my life?”

“Of course you didn’t,” Tee cradles his face, “You _didn’t_ and there’s so much more you have to give. And if it’s not songwriting, that’s ok. It’s not the end of the world, no matter how old you are. Got it? And I’ll help you if you don’t want to do music anymore.”

Kimmon nods and leans forward to bury his face into Tee’s shirt, his tears spreading all over it. There are fingers in his hair, scratching at his head, “But, like you said, I don’t think you would leave either. There’s still all these songs in your head that have yet to be written and I know being on stage makes you happy. But if you choose this, you have to decide where you’re heading, no more coasting along. ”

“Yea…”

“And Copter. He...wasn’t wrong. You never fought with anyone when it came to your album and let them do whatever they want.”

“I know.”

“And if it’s as bad as it sounds, then-- then maybe try to convince Bas somehow. Your version of the song is beautiful, it deserves to be heard.”

Kimmon sighs into Tee’s neck and eventually his tears stop. Tee hadn’t been exaggerating about the lack of crying. He never felt the need to expend his emotion into it and now he feels so empty and drained. But he supposes it helped let go of the tension in him that alcohol wasn’t able to do and he curls himself into Tee with a sigh.

“You feel better?”

“A bit. ‘M sorry,” he mumbles and attempts to wipe at the wet spot on Tee with his used tissue, but it’s futile, “I’ve ruined your shirt.”

“I think you’ve been overdue to cry for the past decade at least,” Tee says in jest. Kimmon lets out a wet laugh, coughing into his fist, and he sits back up. His mug is put in his hand and he sips at it -- the water is still warm and it now fills the emptiness.

“You know…”

“Hmm?”

“Copter. He--” Kimmon fiddles with the handle of the mug, “He told me to reach out to him. To tell him about the song.”

“O?”

“I got a little upset about it. But maybe he’s right.”

“Yea?”

“Cause he’s-- he’s been this shadow over me in everything I’ve been doing. And you know we ended things badly. Maybe um…” Kimmon sighs, scratching his cheek. He’s not sure if he wants to do this, but the more he thinks on it, the more he realizes it’s probably the best course.

“Tee. Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

“Can you find me his number?"

Tee blinks, “O? _O_. Yea. It might take a while. But are you sure?”

“Yea.”

\--

Kimmon wakes to his phone pinging a message. It’s dark outside now and all he sees are the dark shadows curving around the walls; the only thing lighting up his apartment are the moon beams that shine through the blinds. Kimmon had fallen asleep on the sofa after Tee had left, too tired to walk the few steps to his bedroom. His face still feels swollen and stiff and his eyes ache more than ever after all that crying. He unlocks his phone and rubs his eyes from the brightness of the screen, squinting them open to see some texts from Tee. 

**_Tee:_ **Went through a bunch of contacts for this, use it wisely!

He flicks his eyes towards the time in the corner of the screen and it’s late evening, but he figures it’s still early enough to call. Kimmon presses on the number provided and waits for the ringing to go through, thumbnail in his mouth as he waits in anticipation.

Then it stops and a warm voice answers the phone.

“Hello?”


End file.
